A drop in the ocean
by aleviste
Summary: This story is about how Rose's coping at Court after Dimitri said; Love Fades. Mine Has. She decides to stay and fight her inner turmoil and feelings. If you want to know more, please keep reading, 'coz it's gonna be one hell of a ride! All chapter's gonna have lyrics that talks to you.. I promise! I do not own Vampire Academy and it's characters. That belongs to Richelle Mead!
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I hope that you'll all like this fanfic. It's my first one so please be nice! But I can take nice criticism. And as you can tell from the storys name it's based on Ron Popes song _A drop in the ocean _and _October Trees.  
_This is just a oneshot, but if all goes well maybe I could continue on this story. :)**

**ENJOY!**

_**Angie**_

* * *

A Drop In In The Ocean

Rose POV:

Have you ever felt that feeling, that feeling that you're falling even though you're acually standing perfectly still...

I just felt that and it's an excrusiating feeling. I just couldn't belive that Dimitri just told me that his love has faded. I'm standing here at the edge of a cliff and watching the ocean and wishing that it really didn't happen. But it did. He told me this yesterday at mass in church, and I just run away... Because honestly, I didn't know how to response to the fact that he don't love me anymore. And I sure as hell wouldn't show him weakness and cry in front of the entire court.

I don't even have the power to blame him for this heartbreak I'm feeling. I guess it was all coming down to this, with the age difference and him mentoring me and everything. The only thing I'm regretting is falling for him in the beginning... no that's acually not true. I really, really love him, with all my heart and I wouldn't change that feeling for anything. Even though I'm standing here, alone, and just thinking that it's like a drop in the ocean, a change in the weather everything that's happening. And even though I'm praying to a God I'm not even sure exist that we might end up together, it's like wishing for rain as I stand in a desert that we'll ever be the happy couple I'm dreaming of.

I know that Lissa told me to give him time to heal, time to figure things out. But how could I? When I've waited and fought for him for so long?  
I was really deluding myself when I thought that he would welcome me with open arms. But the only thing that I really got whas heartbreak, and more heartbreak. I don't even know what I'm suppose to do now. Am I gonna stay here, or am I leaving?

My first impulse feeling was to run away, far, far away from court and from him. But I can't do that. My whole family, meaning closest friends, are here at court and I just can't abandon them because of one mans hurtful words. It's going to be hard to stay, but I'm not anyone I'm Rose Hathaway for God's sake. I'm no coward who's gonna run away. No I'm staying and hopefully everything will be easier than it feels like right now.

I, Rosemarie Hathaway, are not running away. I'm just gonna move on with my life even though I'm gonna hold him close to my heart, because in the end he's my heaven and he's the one planting my feets and sanity on this earth. And I really have to remember that I have the greatest friends in the world who's gonna stand by me and be there when everything seems falling apart. I know that Lissa will always stand by me, even though she's helping him through this, whatever he's going through. Adrian, yes Adrian will always be by my side. Even though I've hurt him too, I know that he'll stand by me against everything. In this very moment I really wished that I could love Adrian the same way he does to me. But I can't. Sure enough I love him, I'm just not in love with him. And he knows that by now, I hope.  
Eddie... sure enough he'll be there for me, but we don't actually talk about stuff like love. Not yet anyway. Even though we're best friends we have limited topics on what to talk about.

_Three month later..._

This is pathetic, I'm still wounded up about his words. Okey, it's not been so long since he actually told me them but still... Will it never end? This heartbreaking feeling. I'm feeling that I'm in darkness and are just waiting for the light to come back on. I seem so lost even to myself, and it feels like my back's against the wall and even though it's summer outside it's winter in my heart.

Over these past month I've been thinking if we can change or if I'm acually surrendering to this so called reality. While thinking of Dimitri I remeber that I once loved his grace, and the strenght he brought to me while I was weak or hurt. But now, I'm just wondering what else he wants from me?

I can't sleep and at the moment it's moroi night, so it's actually daylight and I'm trying to relish in the feeling of the sun. But the wind cuts through and it chills me to the bone, the sunlight feels like a ghost that's so far gone. A sad old song keeps on ringing in my head;

_Where is your dignity? Where is your pride?__  
__Where is the love that you once had inside?__  
__Where is your dignity? Where is your pride?__  
__Where is the voice that was always your guide?__  
__Where is your dignity? Where is your pride?__  
__Where is the love that you once had inside?__  
__Where is your dignity? Where is your pride?_

It really suits my mood doesn't it?  
But I really think it's time to move on. I don't have the time or strength to keep hoping, that some day he might come back to me. I need to be the old me, the strong me, the carefree me...  
I can't stay like this heartbroken girl, because I have more important things than wallowing over old feelings. Feelings thats only gonna hurt me more if I keep on going at this path.

So, from now on, I'm Rosemarie Hathaway. A girl who doesn't get involved with boys or love, other than love from my friends and family. I'm just gonna dedicate my life to guard Lissa, forever.

_They come first..._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Hey y'all :)**

**I've decided to continue on this story, 'cos I really want to try this writing out.  
This chapter isn't so exciting I think. But I'm gonna start slow for you all! I'm just not that kind of person who's jumping right in the action.  
Well, I hope you can enjoy this chapter and I promise that the next one is gonna be better!**

**The songs I've used in this chapter is:  
Ron Pope - Sweet Redemption  
Rihanna - Diamonds  
Rihanna - We Found Love**

* * *

Rose POV

_Beep, beep, beep ..._

I groaned, another day to go through. I'm sitting up in my bed and scratching my head and all my miserable thoughts starts all over again. I'm always contemplating if all my intentions to keep staying here at court are right. I'm shutting my eyes again and massaging my temples and decide to keep on trying anyway even though my sweet redemption is out of sight. I'm swearing to myself that I don't mind, I'm swearing all those lies again. Thinking that everything that I'm holding on to is breaking in my hands.

Watching my alarm clock I realise that I'm late, again. Lissa is so gonna kill me... or maybe kick my butt... It doesn't matter which, I just know she's gonna be pissed at me for being late again! I stand up too quick and almost fall over my own clumsy tired feet and hurry with showering, dressing and I decide not to do any makeup today. Because who's gonna care anyway? Only Lissa ever cares about my appearance.

My phone starts to ring with Rihannas song _Diamonds_ and I curse under my breath that I didn't get out from my room before she called.

"Where the hell are you?!" Lissa screamed in my ear.

"I'm on my way. Please don't break my eardrums, because if you do I'll never hear my phone again or your amazingly high-pitched voice in the morning" I responded dryly.

"Well get your butt over here mizzy, you're late again! Didn't I tell you yesterday how important it is that you're following the schedule...?!" Lissa said in a more normal tone.

"Yeah, yeah! I'm hanging up now so I can run, okay?" I said to her.

"Great! Oh my God Rose, I'm so exited!" Lissa squealed in the phone before hanging up.

Picking up my bag and locking my door to my room, I start to run as fast as I can to Lissas apartment in Royal Housing. All in all I got there in about two minutes and when I knocked on her door I tried to catch my breath. I don't know exactly what it is she's planning for the day but I hope it isn't something too boring or something with royal people. I'm really not in the mood for something fancy and royalty today. And as I saw who's opening Lissas door, I thought that maybe it's gonna be a nice day after all.

"Hey little dhampir, what's up?" Adrian said when he opened the door.

"Late, as always and you know it!" I said a little annoyed.

"Why, I didn't know that you're always late" He snickered at me.

"Adrian, shut up! I'm so not in the mood for your boring jokes today!" I huffed at him.

But as always, he just smirked and walked back inside.

"He's so annoying..." I said under my breath.

"I heard that!" Adrian said while looking over his shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah. I bet you did..." I said while smiling back at him.

"So where's Lissa? And what are we exactly doing today?" I asked in a little bit too annoyed voice.

"We are going to the mall, because we're in serious need for some shopping!" Lissa squealed really loudly when she entered her livingroom.

"We are? Great... just great..." I said back to her.

"What's wrong Rosie? You're not up for a little shopping time with all of us?" Christians voice came floating to me while he walked through the door.

"And who's exactly all of us?" I asked warily.

"You, me, Adrian, Christian, Mia, Eddie, Jill and... and..." Lissa said, and begun to stutter at the end.

"And who?" I asked while my brows raised in alarm.

While I was waiting for her answer, HE walked inside and answered my question all by himself and his presence. I just blinked and stared at him before I diverted my eyes to Lissa instead. And she just watched me with pleading eyes, saying and begging me to behave. I sighed and went to sit on the couch while waiting for the others. And as I sat there, my thoughts wandered back to my thoughts I had when I woke up. If I really am just deluding myself that I can stay here and if it's really the right thing to do. While being occupied by my inner rant, all the others arrived and I got up to walk with everyone to the garage.

By being Lissas guardian, there where quite some good things that made my days. For example I'm the one driving and Lissa lets me choose the car. And being me I always choose fast cars. This time I choose to drive the Hummer, not only is it fast, it fits all of us too. It's black and shimmery and just soooo me! I love it!

When everyone was inside the car I turned around to ask which mall we're going to and didn't see who sat shotgun in the passenger seat. So when I turned around again I was totally strucked with shock to se Dimitri sitting just beside me. I was so stunned that I just sat there for I don't know how long...

"Hey, Rose?! What the heck are you doing? We're all in and dying a slow death here if you'll not start to drive now!" Mia screamed at me.

I snapped out of my own empty mind and just started the car. I didn't have any answers to that question because I was asking myself the same. What the hell am I doing? Just act normal, like nothing ever happened between you two you idiot, I scowled at myself.

"Do you wanna hear some music guys?" I asked just to be occupied by something else than just the feeling of HIM sitting beside me.

"Yes, YES! Shoot and play some Rihanna" Mia shouted at me.

"Alright, but which one?" I shouted back.

"Oh, oh, I know!" Lissa squealed.

"Play We Found Love" she then said.

I just groaned internally and did as she said.

And when the song begun Lissa, Mia and Jill started to sing along;

_Yellow diamonds in the light_

_And we're standing side by side_

_As your shadow crosses mine_

_What it takes to come alive_

And even though I was a little annoyed over the song I couldn't help but sing along too;

_It's the way I'm feeling I just can't deny_

_But I've gotta let it go_

And then all of us sang;

_We found love in a hopeless place_

___We found love in a hopeless place_

_____We found love in a hopeless place_

_______We found love in a hopeless place_

While the others kept on singing, I drifted away in my own thoughts. And we soon got to our destination.

When we got inside the mall Lissa started to drag us to all stores. And after a couple of hours I whined that I was hungry...

"Liss, please I love you but I really, really need some food." I said to her while she was paying for a dress.

"Okay, ask the other ones if they're hungry too." She said back to me.

"Hey guys, are you starving like I do? 'Cause I can barely stand while I'm out of food in my body." I said to the rest of our group.

"Wow Rose, you sure as hell can put the right words in your mouth" Christian said back at me, quite sarcastically.

"Shut it, Sparky! Or I'm just gonna have to fire you up and eat you..." I said back threateningly.

"Oooh, cranky much little dhampir?" Adrian snickered at me.

"Yeah Rose, what's up with the cranky attitude?" Eddie asked me, smiling brightly.

I just huffed and scowled at them. And in the peripheral of my eyes I could see Dimitri raising one of his eyebrows at me. But I just ignored it and asked Liss where we should eat.

"I've actually reserved a table for us at this amazing restaurant" She told me.

"Oh, well let's go!" I almost shouted, 'cos I'm really that hungry.

* * *

Several hours later we arrived back at court and I sighed in relief that we finally were done with the shopping. But I guess I did it too soon.

"Rose, can I talk to you for a moment" Dimitri said in a low voice.

I stared at him for a moment before I answered.

"What do you have to say to me, Dimitri?"

"I really want to talk to you in private." He said back.

I turned to the others and said that we'll catch up with them later. And before I turned back to face Dimitri I saw the concern and worry in Lissas eyes. But I just ignored it and shook my discomfort of my shoulders.

* * *

**See! A cliff hanger... It's a lovehate feeling don't you think?  
****Next chapter is gonna be about the talk in private between Rose and Dimitri. So stay tuned 'coz it's gonna be goosebumps thrilling!**

**xo**

**Angie**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Okay, my mind just got overloaded with what I wanted with the talk. So I just wrote it down now... I really hope that you'll like it...**

**The song I've used in this chapter:  
Alicia Keys - Try sleeping with a broken heart  
Westlife - I did it for you**

**Disclaimer: I do not own VA. Lovely Richelle Mead does that :)**

**Enjoy!**

**xo **

**Angie**

* * *

Previously in _A Drop In The Ocean  
_"Rose, can I talk to you for a moment" Dimitri said in a low voice.

I stared at him for a moment before I answered.

"What do you have to say to me, Dimitri?"

"I really want to talk to you in private." He said back.

I turned to the others and said that we'll catch up with them later. And before I turned back to face Dimitri I saw the concern and worry in Lissas eyes. But I just ignored it and shook my discomfort of my shoulders.

* * *

Rose POV

My thoughts have started to wander again, I'm a little nervous about this "private" talk. But I can't help to feel a little curious about what he wants.

"How are you, Rose?" Dimitri asks and he's doing it at the same time he's staring right in to my eyes.

How am I doing? Are you fucking serious?! Is that all this is about? Him asking me how I am? You got to be kidding me.. When I finished thinking this I just said;

"Well, I guess I'm okay..." shrugging my shoulders.

"Okay" he said. "That's good! I hope that we can cope, being Lissas guardians and all" He said to me with a small smile playing on his lips.

"You want us to cope?" I asked bewildered.

"Yes, of course" He simply said back.

"Dimitri, even if you were a million miles away I could still feel you right here next to me. And even in the middle of a fight with strigoi, I could still hear you inside my head. Telling me what to do. And I can still hear you loud and clear when you said that you and me, together, will fix this... this relationship. And all that time, you were telling me lies."

After that he just stood there, waiting for me to continue while I took a deep breath.

"So tonight, and every other nights, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you. I'm gonna hold on to the times that we had." I said to him with as much confidence I could muster up.

I don't know if it only was my imagination, but I thought I could see a flash of regret in his deep chocolate-brown eyes while he watched me talking.

"Dimitri, have you ever tried to sleep with a broken heart?" I said, while fighting the tears that threatened to start flowing down my cheeks.

"Umm, no... But..." He started to speak, but I cut him of 'coz I really didn't want to hear it.

"Well, you could try to sleep in my bed, lonely. Nobody ever shut it down like you do. You know, you made my body feel heaven bound and I'm still wondering why you can't hold me... need me... I thought you told me you'd never leave me." I said while squeezing my eyes closed. The pain is radiating right out of me while I'm pouring my heart out to him once again.

"Rose..." He began once again to speak, but I can't just let him make me stop this speech. I need him to know, to know everything that I'm feeling right now and every day since that day.

"No Dimitri, I need you to listen to me, for once." My voice almost breaking. "When I'm looking in the sky, I can see your face. And once in time I knew where I fitted in, but now? I don't know. But I need you to know that I'll always be in love with you, right 'til the end." I said my voice finally breaking.

"Dimitri, anybody could have told me from the start, that it's 'bout to fall apart. So rather than hold on to a broken dream, I'll just hold on to love. And I can find a way to make it, so don't hold on to tight! I'll make it without you tonight, and all other nights. I'm just gonna hold on to the times we had and be forever thankful." I said, while the tears now where falling freely down my cheeks.

He just stood there for a moment, watching me while I cried my heart out in the open. And then he said;

"Life without taking chances, is no kind of life at all Rose. You've gotta stand up for something, even if you might fall. You gotta take that road, wherever it might go and no matter where, no matter what I want you to know..." He paused and watched me intently.

"I want you to know I tried to do my best, to do the best I could. I had to give my all, it's what I had to do, and I'd do it all again, and that's the honest truth... I did it for you..." He said, voice low, so low that I almost couldn't hear it.

"Rose, maybe I was crazy, I guess I was sometimes, especially when I was a strigoi.." He choked out.. "And maybe it's hard to chase this, but I had to know what's right. Everyday you've got to live, for what you believe. Please understand, I had no choice... It's what had to be... I did it for you..." he whispered to me.

Oh boy, I thought, this is going downhill. What am I supposed to say to that? I really didn't know. So I just smiled a barely visible smile, turned around and walked away.

* * *

**So what did you think? Please review! I need to know what you think about this story or I might not find the courage to continue :)**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Hey guys! Here's chapter 4! I Hope that you'll enjoy it and I appreciate all you're reviews! And please review more! Makes my day!**

**Song I've used in this chapter:**

**Natalie Imbruglia - Torn**

**xo**

**Angie**

* * *

Previously in _A Drop In The Ocean_

"Rose, maybe I was crazy, I guess I was sometimes, especially when I was a strigoi.." He choked out.. "And maybe it's hard to chase this, but I had to know what's right. Everyday you've got to live, for what you believe. Please understand, I had no choice... It's what had to be... I did it for you..." he whispered to me.

Oh boy, I thought, this is going downhill. What am I supposed to say to that? I really didn't know. So I just smiled a barely visible smile, turned around and walked away.

* * *

Rose POV

When I left Dimitri at the garage yesterday, I didn't know what to think, what to believe. I couldn't gather my thoughts properly. But it doesn't really matter at the moment. I mean, we aren't together and I don't think that we'll ever be together again.

Before I went to bed yesterday I got a call from Lissa...

_**Flashback**_

"_**Hey Rose, are you alright?" Lissa asked with a concerned voice.**_

"_**Yeah, well I'm not sure what I'm feeling actually. But don't worry I'll be fine, I promise." I told her. I didn't want her to worry about me. **_

"_**Rose... you're not fine! Why can't you just talk to me?" she asked with a sad voice.**_

"_**Liss... I don't know... you don't need to be concerned about my feelings. You know I'm the one who's protecting you and not the other way around." I said to her with a stern voice.**_

"_**You know what? I love you to death, but why can't you just talk to us?" She said and then continued "I know that you're the one who's doing the physical protection, but I can be the one who's protecting you emotionally"**_

"_**Why?" I asked.**_

"_**Oh... gosh Rose!" she grumbled "We're your best friends for God's sake. You know what, I'm gonna throw a girls night tomorrow night and you're coming whether you want it or not. And you'll talk to us, okay? Promise me this." She said to me.**_

"_**Do I have to?" I said with an exasperated voice.**_

"_**YES" She shrieked.**_

"_**Fine..." I huffed back.**_

_**End of flashback.**_

So that's why I'm not in my bed right now. I'm on my way to that stupid girls night. But I guess I have to please them so they'll stop annoying me with all these stupid questions about my non-existent love life.

I was the last one to arrive, as usual. Mia and Jill were already there, seated comfortable on Lissas cushy couch, waiting for me with all their questions.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked with a soft voice.

"Hey Rose, not much just waiting for you" Jill answered me with a small smile on her lips.

"Yeah Rose, we're really happy that you finally showed up. And we will listen to all that you've got to say. So no spill!" Mia said to me, a small smile were also visible on her lips. And her pretty blue eyes watched me while I sat down on the other couch in front of them.

"Rose, we really need you to know that we're here for you. All of us! Even the guys..." Lissa said.

"What do you want to know?" I said to them.

"Everything you feel." They said in unison.

"Well, I thought I saw a man brought back to life. He was warm but he came around like he wasn't dignified. He showed me what it was to cry... and you guys know that I never cries." I started of...

They all watched me intently, ready to hug me and tell me that everything will be okay.

"He couldn't be that man I adored. He didn't seem to know... didn't seem to care, what my heart is for... no I don't know him anymore..." I whispered.

"All our conversations has run dry, that's what's going on... nothing's fine!" I said, my eyes filled with unshed tears. I wouldn't allow them to fall ether.

"Oh, Rose..." I didn't know who said that, 'coz now I'm staring down on my knees.

"I'm torn... I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel. It feels like I'm lying naked on the floor, chained." I continued. "So I guess the fortune teller's right... I should have seen just what was there.. but Dimitri.. he crawled beneath my veins... I really don't have any luck do I, I whispered."

When I glanced back up at the others I saw that they had tears in their eyes. All of them were moved and sad about what I revealed about my feelings. I also saw in their eyes that they didn't know what to say back to me. But i couldn't blame them. Their moroi and I'm dhampir. I'm not supposed to love someone, because my life has been written already. I'm a guardian, a damn good guardian. And even though they're my friends, I haven't really talked to them since that day.

"Rose, how do you know that he doesn't love you?" Mia asked.

"He told me..." I answered her.

"What? He did?" Lissa asked with a bewildered voice.

"Yeah..."

"What did he say?" Jill asked.

"He said... Love fades. Mine has." I choked out, still with watery eyes. But i wouldn't allow them to fall.

They all stared at me in shock. Once again they didn't know what to say. But I guess that you really can't say anything reassuring to that statement. Even I didn't have a response to that. I remembered that I too, stared at Dimitri in shock when he told me those words.

"So... what do you want to do about it?" Mia asked.

"Nothing" I said.

"Nothing?" Lissa asked incredulously.

"Yep, nothing. Besides there isn't anything I could do, you know." I told them.

"So you're just gonna let it be?" Mia almost screamed at me.

"Yeah Mia.. that's exactly what I'm gonna do. I didn't run away from here 'coz I don't want to leave you guys alone. I would probably miss you all too much if I did. And if I stay, I can show him that I'm strong. That his words can't break me. And you know that I'm telling the truth. I'm not a runner!" I told them sternly.

"I think I know what we all need right now!" Lissa squealed.

"What?" We asked her in unison.

"A vacation! I know for sure that you do need one Rose. Don't take me wrong, I know you hurt and I know that you need time to heal. And what's better than a vacation?" Lissa asked.

"Well I suppose that it's fine with me." I said while smiling back at her.

"You're all up for it?" Lissa asked us happily.

"Yes!" We cheered

"Do you think that the boys are up for it too?" Mia asked while dancing happily in Lissas livingroom.

"Yeah, I bet they are!" Lissa squealed back att her.

"Liss... do you mean all of them literally? I asked with alarm in my voice.

* * *

**Oooh! Do you think that Dimitri will go with them on their vacation? Review and tell me if you want him to follow them!**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**Hey! Here's the new chapter. I hope you'll like it. Haven't much more to say more than reviewreviewreview!**

**Songs I've used:  
Leona Lewis - Glassheart  
Ne-Yo - Make it work**

**xo**

**Angie**

* * *

Previously in _A Drop In The Ocean_

"I think I know what we all need right now!" Lissa squealed.

"What?" We asked her in unison.

"A vacation! I know for sure that you do need one Rose. Don't take me wrong, I know you hurt and I know that you need time to heal. And what's better than a vacation?" Lissa asked.

"Well I suppose that it's fine with me." I said while smiling back at her.

"You're all up for it?" Lissa asked us happily.

"Yes!" We cheered

"Do you think that the boys are up for it too?" Mia asked while dancing happily in Lissas livingroom.

"Yeah, I bet they are!" Lissa squealed back att her.

"Liss... do you mean all of them literally? I asked with alarm in my voice.

* * *

Rose POV

I'm beginning to really regret my decision to go on that vacation. It would be so much easier if we just stayed here at Court. But it's a little bit too late for that now, isn't it? I scowled at myself while beating the crap out of the punching bag.

In the background I could hear Leona Lewis song _Glassheart. _It's one of my most favorite songs for workout sessions right now. The lyric fits with my current mood. Even though I was breathing hard I sang along with the song;

_Baby, I'm staring at a piece of us  
Shattered on the sidewalk  
Tragic, broken like a china doll  
Burning like a gun shot_

Ironic huh? When I actually know how it feels to be shot. It hurts like a mother fucking bitch.. But I survived, like I always do. I'm a survivor and I'm always gonna be a survivor. No matter what. It doesn't matter how many times my heart breaks. I will survive...

_My heart was beating  
And so was yours  
We threw each other  
Down on the floor  
My heart is breaking  
It's made of glass  
I guess anything that's good never ever lasts._

Once upon a time that meaning was true. When he still was my mentor, we threw each other on the floor. Quite fun actually. Who could have thought that I, as short as I am, could possibly bring Dimitri down on the ground? Well, like I said before, I'm a damn good guardian. And it's all because of him...

_So baby if you love me, let me know  
'Cause everything that hurts you've hurt before  
You're about to tear this love apart  
And break another glass heart._

Love? How could I be so stupid? Love makes you a fool. When someone you love says they love you back and then says that the love they felt faded, it brings you down to your bare knees. And hurts like a bitch...

_So baby if you love me, let me know  
'Cause every time we touch, touch it's turning cold  
Promise that we'll never fall apart  
And I'll love you with my glass heart [x3]_

Promises... all those promises that we would make it through, were all lies. Fucking lies... My mind is so clouded with rage and heartbreak that I didn't even notice the presence, of another person, behind me.

_Right now, I'm standing in our empty room  
Staring out the window  
I hear music that we used to make  
Boy play me that crescendo_

_My heart was beating  
And so was yours  
We threw each other  
Down on the floor_

_My heart is breaking  
It's made of glass  
I guess anything that's good never ever lasts_

When I stopped beating the shit out of the punching bag I was breathing hard and uneven. I wasn't aware of my surroundings just yet, because all I could focus on at the moment were all my incoherent thoughts and at the same time gain control over my breathing.

It wasn't until I turned around that I noticed him. Standing casually against the wall.

"What do you want?" I asked with a bitchy tone. I couldn't help myself though. I was still quite emotionally distressed.

"Why Rose, you're always such sunshine, aren't you?" Christian smirked at me.

"If you want to be with someone sunshine-y, why don't you go back to Lissa?" I muttered back at him.

"She's busy and besides, I wanted to talk to you" He said, now serious. "Rose, are you alright?"

"Don't I look alright? I mean, I had a nice workout going on when you interrupted" I said back to him, still with a little bit of my bitchself showing.

"Rose, seriously, how are you?" He asked while walking towards me.

"Why do you even bother?" I shot back at him, not in the mood to talk deep with someone, especially not Christian.

"'Cause even if we don't acknowledge it that often, we do care about each other. I do care about you Rose, you're like a sister to me." He said with a soft voice.

I was beginning to understand that he'll not let this go this time.

"Chris, I promise I'm fine. For now anyway... But I don't know how's it gonna go while we're on vacation, together."

"So Dimitri finally decided to tag a long on our vacation?" He questioned.

"I thought you would know that by now, I mean he is Lissas second guardian after all." I told him.

"No I didn't. I haven't actually been with Lissa today. As I said before, she's busy planning for this vacation." He sighed.

"Yeah, I know, that's why I'm here. She said that she wanted it to be a surprise for me, so she simply dismissed me." shrugging my shoulders as I said that.

"Okay, are you done yet?" He asked.

"I guess I am, why?"

"Just wondering if you're hungry?" He said while smirking at me.

"You know I am... why?" I giggled after the lame joke.

"Did you just... giggle?" Christian asked me baffled.

My eyes widened in surprise.

"Yeah I guess, I giggled..." a small smile appearing on my lips. "Chris, thanks... I really appreciate that you act normal around me. I mean, you just made me laugh and it's a long time since I did that." I said, now grinning wildly back at him.

"Anytime Rosie, anytime. So were you hungry or not? 'Coz I made food and there's plenty of it back at our place." He said softly to me.

"You didn't just call me Rosie did you?" I snapped at him. His eyes widened just a little when I spoke those words. "Haah, got you!" I snickered at him. He just turned around and said;

"Come over when you've taken a shower. You stink!" while waving goodbye.

"I don't stink!" I yelled back at him.

He just kept going while laughing at me.

Oh I'll get you back for that one, I thought to myself. But I guess I should shower, I've worked out for almost two hours anyway.

When I got back to my room at Guardian Housing I decided to take a quick shower and fix me up before going to dinner at Lissas. I was in such a good mood that I even decided to dress up for once. Oh well, dressed up meaning black skinny jeans with a cute red tank top that glittered with gold. And I even made my makeup, not much, but just a little so that I looked fresh and alert.

When I arrived at Lissas, I noticed that the whole gang was there too. Well, I thought to myself, here goes nothing. Because I just knew they would notice my cleaned up appearance. And precisely when I finished that thought Adrian spoke;

"Well, well, looking good little dhampir" while smiling brightly at me.

"Why thank you, you don't look so bad yourself" smirking while saying so.

His brows shot up in surprise at my response. But he quickly gathered his appearance again and smiled at me.

"So why are we having dinner, all of us I mean?" I asked curiously.

"We're gonna talk about when we'll leave for our vacation" Adrian answered me with a smug face.

"Do you know where we're going?" I asked, with impatience radiating off of me.

"Why, of course I do" snickering at my impatient face. "We're using my private jet"

"Why am I not surprised?" I muttered under my breath.

"Because you know us so well. And besides, we're so not taking a regular flight to where we're going" he answered.

"So where are we going?" I shouted loud enough for everyone else to hear.

"Patience is a virtue" Mia snickered at me.

"So you all know where we're going except me?" I asked annoyed as hell.

"Yes we do and that's just because it's a surprise for you" Lissa squealed at me.

Great, just great. I'm not fond of surprises and they all know it.. And judging from their amused faces I knew they all enjoyed the fact that I didn't know the location.

"Can't you tell me anything about this location we're going to?" I whined.

"Well, I suppose that that couldn't hurt." Lissa said while smiling knowingly. I hope she'll give me useful information, but knowing her she wouldn't.

"Imagine a mansion, sand, water, garden, palm trees, turtles, sunset, surfing, flowers, fresh fruits…" her voice fading more and more while watching me.

"Is that all you'll give me about our location?" I was very annoyed at this moment. She'd given me nothing useful. All those things she mentioned could be anywhere in the world.

"Yeah, that's about it." She smiled and giggled at me.

"You have to understand our reason for not giving you more information" she then continued.

"No, I really don't" I muttered.

"Well either way, that's all you're gonna get!" she squealed excitedly.

I wasn't satisfied with that answer, not a bit. But I knew that, that's all I'll get, for now. Before I ended it though, I asked them about the security of our location. Eddie was the one to answer me that everything was fine and already settled for all the morois safety. I was satisfied with his answer, but couldn't help the worry in the pit of my stomach. I guess that even though I know that Eddie and Dimitri could handle the security for now, I wanted to be the one who was in control. Yeah, I know… control freak much?

During dinner we discussed what we'll do while being on vacation. The others agreed that the first day, we'll just relax and enjoy ourselves with whatever. And they also planned to have a karaoke night, sailing, surfing and much more that I can't remember. It's gonna be a tight schedule, but I guess its okay. So long they're happy about it.

The only thing left now were to decide when we'll leave. Well that's what I thought… the others though, have already planned our departure to tomorrow, early. I groaned internally, I hate early mornings. What I do like is to sleep in a long time in the morning. I'll just have to do that on our vacation, I thought happily. Yes, that's a good plan.

After a couple of hours at Lissas, I went back to my room. If we're leaving early tomorrow, I really need to sleep and to pack my bags.

When I'd done all the packing, I just sat down on my bed and started to think again. How will this vacation go? Will I be able to manage Dimitri's presence during the whole vacation? I needed to settle down my anxiousness so I decided to text him. I really need to make sure that we can cope while being on vacation… that's the only reason why I'm texting him. Well, that's what I'm trying to convince myself.

»_We need this vacation to be as normal as it could be. We need it to work being in the same room, for Lissas sake._ ~ _R_«

I sighed and just sat there waiting for his reply and soon enough I got it.

»_Yes I understand and I agree with you. ~ D_«

Is that all he's gonna say to me about this? It is a problem, can't he understand that? I know it's petty of me to think so. He did actually agree with me… I guess I just wanted to talk more too him. Even though I'm hurt I still miss our talks.

»_You understand me; at least you say you do. Lately that's enough for me. This can only be as good as we both make it and we can be as happy as we want to be, we just gotta make it work. ~ R_«

»_Yes, we'll make it work. And I hope you'll be happy. ~ D_«

»_Maybe someday, just not today. ~ R_«

And with that I turned off the lights and went to sleep. Dreaming about happier moments in my life.

* * *

**Longest chapter so far! In the next chapter, they'll arrive to their destination. Someone who can guess were they're going? Review and tell me!**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**Here we go again. Chapter 6. Enjoy!**

**Congratulations to XxRawringRosesxX who guessed right on the destination!**

**Songs I've used:**  
**Pussy Cat Dolls – I don't need a man**  
**Kelly Clarkson – A moment like this**

**xo**

**Angie**

* * *

Previously in _A Drop In The Ocean  
_»_We need this vacation to be as normal as it could be. We need it to work being in the same room, for Lissas sake._ ~ _R_«

I sighed and just sat there waiting for his reply and soon enough I got it.

»_Yes I understand and I agree with you. ~ D_«

Is that all he's gonna say to me about this? It is a problem, can't he understand that? I know it's petty of me to think so. He did actually agree with me… I guess I just wanted to talk more too him. Even though I'm hurt I still miss our talks.

»_You understand me; at least you say you do. Lately that's enough for me. This can only be as good as we both make it and we can be as happy as we want to be, we just gotta make it work. ~ R_«

»_Yes, we'll make it work. And I hope you'll be happy. ~ D_«

»_Maybe someday, just not today. ~ R_«

And with that I turned off the lights and went to sleep. Dreaming about happier moments in my life.

* * *

Rose POV

After several hours we finally arrived to Kahoʻolawe, Hawaii. It's one of Hawaii's main islands and it's particularly a good island for us, because it isn't populated by humans. It was populated once but not anymore, now it's just a nature reserve and clearly a resort for royal moroi, like Adrian and Lissa. And for just this time, it's for us dhampirs too, thanks to Adrian.

He'd pulled some strings so that we could have the whole island alone, just the eight of us, relaxing away from the stressful life at Court. Well it's not only us here, there's staff too, of course. Staff who's gonna make us dinner; give us massage and special treatments.

The island is truly amazing with white beaches and turquoise water. It's the smallest of the main island only 11 miles long and 6 miles wide. The highest point is the volcanic crater Lua Makika at the summit of Puʻu Moaulanui, which is about 1,477 feet above sea level. One of the main reasons to why Kahoʻolawe isn't populated by humans is the lack of freshwater which all creatures are in need of daily. But the moroi solves the problem with mineral water in bottles.

The hotel is located in the middle of the island, but we decided to live in small bungalows near the beach instead. Lissa and I were going to be roomies while Mia stayed with Jill, Christian with Adrian and Dimitri with Eddie. When I say near the beach, I mean literally in the water (link in my profile). We don't have to walk down to the water, only jump straight in it from the deck to the bungalow, it's amazing.

When we'd left our bags in our bungalow Lissa asked me what I wanted to do for the rest of the day. I thought about it and decided that I needed some time alone, that I'd just wander around the island for awhile before dinner. I changed into a cute and sexy strapless bikini with leopard pattern and golden accessory-thingy on it and a sarong to cover up my ass while walking. Well, okay it's a little bit see through but anyway it's a little cover up anyways. Before I left our bungalow Lissa told me to be careful and call if I needed anything.

I'd been walking for about an hour when I found a perfect place to just relax at. It was a small oasis that was located at a more secluded area on the island. I just knew that this is exactly the spot I needed to gather my thoughts at. The sun was shining down on me and I'd begin to really feel hot, so I decided to take a swim. I untied my sarong and just let it fall to the ground while walking towards the water.

Mmmh, the water felt great against my hot skin. I was starting to get more tanned because of the strong sun. I've missed it so, so much. The feeling of the sun on my skin, it felt really wonderful. While I was floating in the water I remembered a song that was about strong women. How did it go now? I'm humming the melody and then start to remember the lyrics. [Humming the melody to herself] _I don't need a man to make it happen; I get off being free … _Oh yes, I do remember it now, I thought to myself. _I don't need a man to make me feel good, I get off doing my thing … _Absolutely, I whispered. I so do not need a man in my life, not now and maybe not ever. _I don't need a ring around my finger, to make me feel complete. So let me break it down, I can get off when you ain't around…_ Well okay, that part about the ring on my finger doesn't concern me the least. But the idea about being complete, I like that idea. But I need to feel complete with myself, 'coz right now I'm feeling quite unattached to the part of my brain that contains all my feelings. All kinds of feelings, not just love, friendship too. I've been so occupied with my swirling and confusing emotions about what Dimitri said and how he's behaving against me, that I haven't been quite the friend for my girls. I should really suggest a proper girl's night out. Not like the one we had a couple of days ago when I was miserable and pathetic with my confessions and all. We really need one, me and the girls. I need one, filled with nonsense talk and laughter and just plainly the best girls in my life.

By the time that I was done with my loner time it was starting to get a bit darker. I dried up and started to walk back to our bungalows. Again, I was so caught up in my own personal hell called thoughts that I walked straight into a wall. Or so I thought … 'Coz when I glanced up between my lashes to see if someone saw me walk into a wall or rock or something, I saw two bare feet and then legs, hairy legs so it's definitely not a girl.. Yeah, definitely a guy with swimming trunks, hot swimming trunks… or maybe it was the guy who's really hot in swimming trunks… _Oh my god, stop your stupid rant in your stupid head and see who this hottie is! _I silently yelled at myself in my head. But before I got that far, he spoke to me.

"Roza are you alright?"

That voice, it's so familiar and I would know who it belongs to even if I'd be blind. I've listened to that voice many, many times. It's the voice that told me to push harder with my training, it's the voice that told me that the owner of it was proud of me, it's the voice that said I'm beautiful, it's the voice who'd whispered my name in my ear while making love to me and finally it's the voice that told me that love fades… Dimitri… fuck…!

"Hey Roza? Do you hear me?" he questioned.

"Um, hi Dimitri, yeah I heard you. I think that I'm just a little dizzy from all the sun I've got from today" I rambled, not quite catching the moment.

He offered me one of his hands to stand up and without even thinking twice about it, I grabbed it. Big mistake, big, big mistake… I felt the tingles in my hand, the hand that's still in his larger hand. _Get a grip Hathaway! _I screamed at myself, again. You really need to pull yourself together. _Let go of his hand! _I quickly did as my mind commanded me to do and looked down on the ground. Speechless… I'm so not prepared for this… I need to be prepared for encounters like this… and now, I really need to go before I make a fool of myself.

"Well nice to see you relaxing, Comrade" I flinched; bad slip up Rose, bad.

"But I gotta go, see you later at dinner!" I said and then quickly pushed past him.

"See you" he called back at me while I still did my retreating back to the bungalows.

Dinner came and went without any bad incidents. And because I'd been up for more than twenty-four hours I was exhausted. I fell asleep instantly when my head hit my pillow.

* * *

**The next day…**

* * *

I yawned and stretched while blinking against the bright light from the sun. Oh yes, I could totally get used to this, I thought. I'm so sad that Lissa can't be out in the sun for a long amount of time. But I'll enjoy this vacation as much as I can and I'll definitely enjoy the sun while being here. I felt well rested, even though the time barely could be more than 6am in the morning (human time).

While I was contemplating whether I should get up or not I got a glimpse of something shining pink-orange-y from my window. I then realized that it's the sun that's raising and decided that I really couldn't miss this moment. I quickly dressed in the same bikini from yesterday, but instead for the sarong I put on a sundress. I hurried out so I wouldn't miss it. And oh boy was it beautiful.

For a moment I wished that I wasn't alone while witnessing a moment like this. And I guess my wishes were granted, because soon enough I felt his presence behind me. Or more so his aftershave.

"You're up early" his voice was soft while it floated to me.

"I didn't want to miss this opportunity… to see the sun rise" I whispered, barley hearable over the waves.

"Why are you up?" I asked.

"Same reason, with the only difference that I couldn't sleep either" he answered.

I nodded in understanding. And once again, I heard myself confessing my feelings towards him, to him, again. Feelings about us and feelings about what had happen between us.

"What if I told you that it was all meant to be, would you believe, would you agree? Here in this moment it's almost that feelin' that we've met before. So tell me that you don't think I'm crazy, when I tell you love has come and now we have a moment like this…" I trailed off, staring out to the ocean.

"You know, some people wait a lifetime and some search forever, for a moment like this with the person they love. I can't believe that it's happening to me… that I'm experiencing a moment like this, with you." I whispered.

From my peripheral I could see him standing perfectly still also gazing out onto the sea. I couldn't read his facial expression 'coz his guardian mask was firmly in place. And even though his expression made me frustrated I still thought that he's the most beautiful man that I've ever met. And before I confessed that to him I continued;

"Everything changes, but beauty remains. And maybe I'm dreamin' but 'til I awake… can we make this dream last forever? And I'll cherish all the love that we once shared."

Again he didn't say anything and I didn't need him too either. But he stayed and that said almost more than words could.

After a couple of more silent minutes with Dimitri, I couldn't stand it anymore. Being in his presence really took a lot of energy from me. So I said my apologies and made my escape back to the bungalows safety walls. And when I was back, I went to bed again and fell asleep easily. Dreaming of a long handsome man with a brown duster and combat boots whispering softly in my ear in Russian.

* * *

**I really hope that you liked this chapter. :)**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**Hey! So here's chapter 7, hope you'll like it. **

**Songs I've been inspired by;**

**Cheryl Cole – Fight for this love**

**Leona Lewis – Happy**

**Rihanna – Only girl (In the world)**

**Ne-Yo ft. Rihanna – Hate that I love you**

**Kelly Clarkson – Stronger (What doesn't kill you)**

**Westlife ft. Mariah Carey – Against all odds**

**Disclaimer: I do not own VA. Richelle Mead does :) **

**xo**

**Angie**

* * *

Previously in _A Drop In The Ocean_

I nodded in understanding. And once again, I heard myself confessing my feelings towards him, to him, again. Feelings about us and feelings about what had happen between us.

"What if I told you that it was all meant to be, would you believe, would you agree? Here in this moment it's almost that feelin' that we've met before. So tell me that you don't think I'm crazy, when I tell you love has come and now we have a moment like this…" I trailed off, staring out to the ocean.

"You know, some people wait a lifetime and some search forever, for a moment like this with the person they love. I can't believe that it's happening to me… that I'm experiencing a moment like this, with you." I whispered.

From my peripheral I could see him standing perfectly still also gazing out onto the sea. I couldn't read his facial expression 'coz his guardian mask was firmly in place. And even though his expression made me frustrated I still thought that he's the most beautiful man that I've ever met. And before I confessed that to him I continued;

"Everything changes, but beauty remains. And maybe I'm dreamin' but 'til I awake… can we make this dream last forever? And I'll cherish all the love that we once shared."

Again he didn't say anything and I didn't need him too either. But he stayed and that said almost more than words could.

After a couple of more silent minutes with Dimitri, I couldn't stand it anymore. Being in his presence really took a lot of energy from me. So I said my apologies and made my escape back to the bungalows safety walls. And when I was back, I went to bed again and fell asleep easily. Dreaming of a long handsome man with a brown duster and combat boots whispering softly in my ear in Russian.

* * *

Rose POV

When I woke up later that day I was startled that Lissa sat staring at me beside my bed. I cleared my throat and asked her why she looked strangely at me.

"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you" she said sheepishly, "but I needed to talk too you. It's been a while since it was only you and me. Besides, I saw you with Dimitri this mornin'" she confessed.

"Oh, you did? What about it?" I hoped that she didn't hear what we'd talked about, or more precisely what I'd confessed.

"I just want to know if it's all okay? How you're dealing with him being my other guardian. You know that I can replace him with someone else, if you want that." she told me with a small smile.

She truly is my best friend. And even though it would have helped me for her to have another guardian than Dimitri, I couldn't do it. I mean, I need her to be safe and the only way for her to be that is to have the best guardians there is. And the best of the best is me... and Dimitri.

"No Liss, don't replace him. I'll be fine, eventually. I'm aware of the fact that it's gonna be hard working with him, but it's for you. I need to know that you're safe when I'm not around or doing other duties. And I know that you'll be safe with Dimitri because I trust him with my life." I reassured her.

"You know, too much of anything can make you sick and even the good can be a curse. It really makes it hard to know which road to go down, knowing too much can get you hurt" she said softly with a knowing look on her face.

I swallowed hard and took a moment to think through my response. "Is it better or is it worse? Sometimes I wonder if we're sitting in reverse. It's just like we're going backwards, I'm fully aware of where I want this to go. It's like I'm driving fast but what I really need to do is go slow. I don't wanna crash..." my voice trailed of in the end thinking about everything that we been through. All the people we've lost, both loved ones and people that we've just briefly knew.

"I need you to know that you're not in this thing alone, there's always a place in me you can call home. Whenever you feel like we're growing apart, let's just go back and get back on track." and before I could open my mouth to answer her she continued;

"Rose, anything that's worth having, is sure enough, worth fighting for. Quitting's out of the question. When it gets tough we gotta fight some more. We gotta fight for love because if it's worth having, then it's worth fighting for. Just look at mine and Christians bumpy road that's called love." she said and then giggled in the end. "But everyday ain't gonna' be no picnic, love ain't a walk in the park. All we can do is make the best of it now. We can't be afraid of it."

I stared at her in awe. I didn't know that she'd thought about this so thoroughly and it made me smile. I loved this girl to death and I'd do anything for her. She truly made me want to make it out in one piece. She's one of the few people who might be able to heal my broken pieces, called heart. And I'll be truly and utterly thankful to her when that day comes.

"I don't know where we're heading, but I'm willing and ready to go. We just need to take it slow, and we'll reach it. Someday" I smiled at her, grateful for her friendship.

"Don't forget, we gotta fight, fight for love. Everyday." she said and walked out from our bungalow. But before she disappeared fully she shouted that I needed to get ready for breakfast. I just laughed and went to take a shower, before meeting all the others outside at the beach.

At breakfast I met all the others. I realized that I haven't talked to them since we got here. I've neglected my friends because of my heartbreak. But still, they're by my side, watching over me while recovering. I love them.

"So Rose, what did you do yesterday? We didn't see you after we settled down." Jill asked, curiosity evident in her voice and eyes.

"Yeah Rose, we truly missed your beautiful face" Adrian said while winking at me.

I flipped him off and answered Jills question. "I just wandered around, this island isn't that big. I found an oasis, it was really beautiful. And yeah, I spent some time there just thinking and relaxing. It's a hideout from your dirty remarks about my appearance" I said while glaring at Adrian.

"Dirty? I didn't say anything dirty!" he said offended.

"Maybe not verbally, but I know that face, you thought something dirty" I snickered at him.

"He's always thinking dirty thoughts about girls and you know it!" Eddie said while laughing hard at Adrians facial expression.

"Hey! Can't help that I'm always surrounded by beautiful ladies, now can I?" he asked and smirked while swatting Eddies arm.

"No I guess you can't. But maybe you shouldn't show what you're thinking about around a girl who could easily bring you down from your high horses" Eddie said while smirking at my bewildered face. I mean hello? They're talking about me like this right in front of me!

"Oh you're talking about Rose? She would never hurt me, right little dhampir?" Adrian questioned.

"Let me think about it … I guess that it depends on what you're actually saying and thinking. So my advice for you is simply, _don't think about me in a dirty way!_" I said with twinkling eyes. It's so funny to fuck with Adrians mind. His facial expressions are so hilarious.

"Whoah! Okay, I'll have that in mind." Adrian shuddered and walked away to sit with Jill instead, made me laugh harder at him. Eddie watched me with amusement. He looked truly happy about me laughing. And I guess that everyone have missed my happiness.

"How are you Eddie? You alright? Are you surviving being Sparkys guardian and all?" I asked while smirking towards Christian, who just glared at me before he went back to his conversation with Lissa.

"I'm fine, really. Never thought that I'd have a charge whatsoever, after everything we did. So yeah, I'm happy with the outcome and Christian ain't that bad, it's just you who brings the worst out from him." he said and smiled at me in the end.

"I do not bring the worst out off him, please. He's just fucked up!" I said while giggling.

"Rose!" Lissa scolded me for being evil.

"What? At least we agree on a curtain level. Be happy about that!"

"You know what? You two are just the same. Fucked up!" Mia said with a smirk on her face.

"I'm not fucked up!" Christian and I said at the same time.

"See, you even talk at the same moment when someone is assaulting you." Mia snickered.

I shot her a glare and muttered something under my breath that wasn't so nice. But then I just waved it of 'coz I wasn't mad, not for real.

"So what are we going to do tonight? Something fun?" I asked Lissa. I really hoped that we'd do something fun. We _need _to do something funny, we're on vacation!

"We're gonna have karaoke night" she squealed at me.

Oh my, this will so not end well, I thought while the girls was chatting away about what songs we were gonna sing. I started to think about what I could possibly sing but I didn't get that far with my thoughts due to Lissas statement that they're deciding the songs for me. I groaned internally knowing that I couldn't get myself out of this mess. My friends were hopeless. Always demanding me what to sing on occasions like this. I mean okay, I know that I can sing. But why can't I choose my own songs for? Ugh...

"When will we meet up for this?" I asked no one in particular, because I already knew that someone would answer it.

"After dinner!" The girls said in unison and then giggled hysterically.

"Okay, well I'll see you in a bit. I need to go do something." I informed them and they just said okay and that we'd see each other later.

Before I could go someone stopped me by grabbing my arm. I turned around and when I saw who it was I just sighed tiredly and asked what he wanted.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Why, if you want to come you can't" I said back, my voice emotionless.

"You don't want any company? You've been hiding since we came here" curiosity now evident in his eyes.

"And there's something wrong with the need to be alone?" I asked bemused.

"I guess not, but you've not always been like this" he said.

"Well, and who's fault is that?" I asked while turning away. I so do not need to talk to him. So as always I just turned on my heels and left him there. Stone-faced as always, that's Dimitri for me nowadays.

I returned to the oasis I've been too yesterday. Feeling my whole body relax while I walked down to the water. This place's gonna be my savior while being here at Kahoʻolawe, I thought. No one knows the location of this oasis just yet so I'm gonna enjoy my freedom just a little.

Dimitri is really making this hard for me. He seems to always have the desire to talk too me. I just don't get it. When we were at Court, he surely didn't want to speak to me. But now? It seems that I can't avoid him. But I guess that's a stupid thing to do, avoiding him will make matters worse.

Someone once told me that you have to choose, what you win or lose. That you can't have everything. If you don't take chances, you're not living your life fully. I can't stand by the side and watch my life pass by, so unhappy.

So what if it hurts me? So what if I break down? So what if this world just throws me of the edge. I've gotta find my place and I don't really care about all the pain in front of me. 'Cause I'm just trying to be happy.

I'm holding on tightly because I just can't let it go. I'm trying desperately to play my role and in the process my old self are slowly disappearing. And I can't let that happen... I need to find myself again. I don't want to be this lost. Everything that I fought for before are still right in front of me. But I don't know how to reach out, I've lost my anchor that kept me on the ground. I've lost Dimitris love. His love and caring was what held me down here on earth, and now there's nothing at all holding me here.

If I'm gonna be happy someday, I need to find another anchor. But how? And what will it be this time? And will I find it before it's too late?

* * *

_**A couple of hours later...**_

* * *

It's showtime. Karaoke night here I come... I thought to myself while dressing. I'd picked out a cute sundress, because even though it's in the middle of the night, it's still hot. I'm relishing in the feeling of the wind, that's cooling me down a little but not much.

When I arrived at the karaoke bar I was greeted by all my friends, once again being the last one to arrive. We enjoyed a nice dinner full off delicious food and drinks. And after the dinner the staff dragged a big screen out to us for the karaoke.

Lissa started out with a song by Rihanna. Only Girl (In the world) Typical I thought to myself. Lissa is so crazy about Rihanna. But she's truly a talented singer, my best friend.

Next up is Mia and Jill singing a duet by Ne-yo and Rihanna... Mia's the one who starts;

_That's how much I love you__  
__That's how much I need you__  
__And I can't stand you__  
__Must everything you do make me wanna smile__  
__Can I not like you for awhile? (No...)__[Jill:]__  
__But you won't let me__  
__You upset me girl__  
__And then you kiss my lips__  
__All of a sudden I forget (that I was upset)__  
__Can't remember what you did__[Mia:]__  
__But I hate it...__  
__You know exactly what to do__  
__So that I can't stay mad at you__  
__For too long that's wrong__[Jill:]__  
__But I hate it...__  
__You know exactly how to touch__  
__So that I don't want to fuss.. and fight no more__  
__Said I despise that I adore you__[Mia:]__  
__And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...)__  
__I can't stand how much I need you (I need you...)__  
__And I hate how much I love you boy (oh whoa..)__  
__But I just can't let you go__  
__And I hate that I love you so (oh..)__  
_

I can truly relate to this song. Sometimes I hate how much I love him. But as the song says, it's hard to let go and it's hard not to adore him all the time. He's just the one I'm having trouble forgetting. I can't let this love go, even though I want too. I was beginning to understand that we'll be singing songs that speaks to all of us. This song is so not about me and my fucked up non-existing love life. This is about something else. Something I haven't noticed before... Mia and Jill are singing for someone, speaking to them with a song. I wonder who...

But then it just clicked in my head. They're singing for Eddie and Adrian... I watched the boys while Mia and Jill finished the song and I wondered if they knew that the song were meant for them. That's something I need to figure out later 'coz now it seems to be my turn to take the mic.

I didn't even know the song but Lissa reassured me that I knew this song. The music began to play and I started to sing;

_You know the bed feels warmer__  
__Sleeping here alone__  
__You know I dream in color__  
__And do the things I want__You think you got the best of me__  
__Think you've had the last laugh__  
__Bet you think that everything good is gone__  
__Think you left me broken down__  
__Think that I'd come running back__  
__Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong__What doesn't kill you makes you stronger__  
__Stand a little taller__  
__Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone__  
__What doesn't kill you makes a fighter__  
__Footsteps even lighter__  
__Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone__What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger__  
__Just me, myself and I__  
__What doesn't kill you makes you stronger__  
__Stand a little taller__  
__Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone_

While I was singing, I looked at my friends and I just felt so blessed to have them in my life. They did pretty good with the choice of song. They know me so well, I thought. This night is really something I need.

This night is about speaking up everything that we need to say without actually saying them. They're so smart, my girls. I blinked at them and they just smiled and giggled at my understanding.

After my song the others sang a couple of songs too. Not so meaningful as the other songs but it was nice anyway. I was quite caught up in my own little word when Lissa announced that Dimitri and I was up for a duet.

This is so not good, I thought. I love her, but I sure will kill her later for making me do this. I took a moment to gather myself and stole a quick glance at Dimitri to see what he thought of this. But as always, his facial expression is hard to figure out.

He looked at me then and raised one eyebrow and shot me a smile, that said lets get this over with. I just rolled my eyes and went to the mics.

"What song is it?" I asked Lissa with alarm in my voice.

"It's a song you know" she reassured me.

"But do Dimitri know it?" I said curiously. I mean he doesn't listen to the same music as I do. This is gonna be interesting. I silently laughed.

The song started before I had the chance to say anything else. And when I heard the melody I scowled at Lissa and memorized to kill her later;

_[Dimitri:]__  
__How can I just let you walk away,__  
__Just let you leave without a trace,__  
__When I'm standing taking every breath,__  
__With you, ooohhh,__  
__You're the only one who really knew me,__  
__At all.__[Rose:]__  
__How can you just walk away from me,__  
__When all I can do is watch you leave,__  
__Cause we shared the laughter and the pain,__  
__And even shared the tears,__  
__You're the only one who really knew me at all.__So take a look at me now,__  
__There's just an empty space,__  
__There's nothing left here to remind me,__  
__Just the memory of your face,__  
__So take a look at me now,__  
__There's just an empty space,__  
__If you're coming back to me it's against all odds,__  
__And that's what I've got to face.__[Dimitri:]__  
__I wish I could just make you turn around,__  
__Turn around and see me cry,__  
__There's so much I need to say to you,__  
__So many reasons why,__  
__You're the only one who really knew me at all.__[Rose:]__  
__So take a look at me now,__  
__There's just an empty space,__  
__There's nothing left here to remind me,__  
__Just the memory of your face,__  
__So take a look at me now,__  
__So there's just an empty space,__  
__But to wait for you is all I can do,__  
__When that's what I've got to face.__Take a good look at me now,__  
__Cause I'll be standing here,__  
__([Dimitri:]Standing here)__  
__And you coming back to me is against all odds,__  
__And that's the chance I've got to take.__[Dimitri:]__  
__Got to take__  
__Got to take__[Rose:]__  
__Ooh__  
__Take a look at me now__[Dimitri:]__  
__Take a look at me now._

When we finished all the others cheered and whistled at us. I merely shrugged my shoulders and gave them my Rose Hathaway smile. I didn't want them to see how much the song really made me feel. I couldn't shake of the feeling, the feeling of confusion towards Dimitris voice during the song.

His voice told me so much and yet so little. I'm truly surprised that he could sing this song. I didn't know that he'd heard it before. And that made me even more confused.

I watched him take a seat at the table once again and I took a seat at the opposite end, because if I sat next to him, I just knew I would do something stupid. And I can't afford to do something stupid right now. Not while I'm on the road of recovery from my heartbreak.

I'm fully aware that I'll never be quite over what he did and said, but it's a start. I need to figure myself out before I start to act normal around him.

My thoughts are everywhere. I didn't even notice that the karaoke night were ending. Not until Adrian walked up to me and said something.

"Uh, sorry, come again?" I said bemused.

"I asked you if you wanted to take a walk with me before the sun comes up?" he repeated himself.

"Yeah, that would be nice" I answered him. "Let me just go and tell Lissa that we'll see each other back at the bungalow" I turned away from him and walked up to Lissa.

After informing Lissa about my whereabouts I walked back to Adrian and we then started to walk towards the beach. He threw an arm around my shoulders and I looked up at him with a smile on my face, thankful for his presence and friendship.

Dimitri POV

I watched Rose walk away with Adrian and felt a pang of jealousy in my chest. Whoah, where did _that _come from? I'm so not jealous of Adrian. Why? I ended things with Rose.

I can't start to feel jealousy when she's with someone else. We're not together anymore. And I have myself to thank for that.

_Love fades. Mine has. _

Those stupid words. Words I wished I could take back, but knew I couldn't. And still, it's for the best. We can't be together. We need to focus on guarding Lissa. And that's going to be impossible if we're together. I did this for her. I really hope that she'll understand that one day. Maybe not today or tomorrow but someday.

While watching them disappear I thought that I need to understand it too. That it's whats best for me too. Yeah, I lied when I told her those words. Like I said, it's for the best. But my biggest wish is to be with her again. I can't stop thinking about the time we had, before I got turned.

Those moments are so important to me. It's whats making me keep going on. Because without them I'd be truly repulsed by myself. The things I did to Rose while being a strigoi, it's horrible... and I hate myself for that. I can't understand how she could forgive me so easily when I got restored. I can't forgive myself. How could I? I've hurt the most important person in my life in the worst possible way ever.

I fed from her and made her my blood whore, while being strigoi. How can she forgive me for that? I, for sure, wouldn't forgive myself for it. I was still thinking self-loathing thoughts when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and faced Lissa.

"Are you okay, Dimitri?" she asked, concern visible on her angelic face. I adored her, like a sister, and for being the one to restore me.

"Yes, I'm okay, princess" I said to her with awe in my voice.

"Dimitri, didn't I tell you not to call me princess?" she said while scowling at me.

"Sorry, Lissa, yes I'm fine, why?"

"No just wondering. I saw how you looked at Rose when she walked away with Adrian" she said, curiosity evident in her face. "You still love her, don't you?"

"Well, um... eh..." I couldn't find the right words so I just closed my mouth and looked away.

"Dimitri, you can tell me anything. I won't say anything and interfere in the matter." she said reassuringly.

It took me a moment before I'd gathered all my thoughts. I was ready to make my confessions when Christian called after Lissa and I did a quick decision to not say anything. I just said to her again that I'm fine. She just watched me with a frown and then said that she'd have a proper talk to me later. She then turned around and walked back to Christian, and they too walked away towards the shore.

I decided that it was time for me to retire to my bungalow that I shared with Eddie. And when I walked back the light of the sun started to seep up in the horizon. That made me remember Rose and I's morning, watching the sun rise. It's a beautiful memory. A memory I preserve with all the other beautiful memories of Rose.

That was the last thing I thought before falling asleep, alone. Forever alone.

* * *

**What do you think about that? Songs with meaning and a Dimitri POV. :)**

**I'd be truly and utterly grateful if you'd share your thoughts about this story, so please review!**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

**Here you go! Chapter 8.**

**Songs I've been inspired by;**

**Cascada – What hurts the most**

**Rihanna – Cry**

**Ronan Keating – If tomorrow never comes**

**Will Young – Leave right now**

**Disclaimer: I do not own VA or any of the songs.**

**Enjoy!**

**xo**

**Angie**

* * *

Previously in _A Drop In The Ocean_

I decided that it was time for me to retire to my bungalow that I shared with Eddie. And when I walked back the light of the sun started to seep up in the horizon. That made me remember Rose and I's morning, watching the sun rise. It's a beautiful memory. A memory I preserve with all the other beautiful memories of Rose.

That was the last thing I thought before falling asleep, alone. Forever alone.

* * *

Rose POV

Yesterdays talk with Adrian had really cheered me up a bit. It's quite a time since we just talked – just me and him.

I know that he still loves me more than just a friend. But I'm truly blessed that he'd understand that I don't return his feelings. Yes, I do love him, but I'm not _in love _with him. That's a big difference and I'm glad that he's so understanding.

A small smile appears on my lips when I recall our talk;

* * *

_**Flashback**_

* * *

"_**You know that he'll eventually crawl back to you?" Adrian said with amusement in his eyes.**_

"_**Adrian... That will never happen! Where you deaf when I told you that he told me – Love fades. Mine has?"**_

"_**Well no, but it's quite obvious that the guy lied. Haven't you paid any attention to him at all? How he's watching you're every move and how his eyes watch you with longing while walking away by yourself?" Adrian said with a smirk on his beautiful face.**_

_**I scowled at him and swatted him on his arm.**_

"_**Ow! What the heck was that for? I'm just telling you the truth. Geez, little dhampir, when will you act like a lady and **_**not **_**hit the messenger?"**_

"_**Adrian that is so not true. Dimitri doesn't feel anything about me and if he does then it's surely not love." I squinted my eyes shut and just kept walking, feeling the sand between my toes. It felt heavenly not having shoes on. I felt free on a weird way, but hey – it's really nice to walk barefoot.**_

"_**Okay, I get it – you don't want to talk about him. And as the best gentleman on this earth I'll stop. But Rose, someday you really need to talk too someone." He said with a worried look in his beautiful green eyes. **_

_**I stopped and turned around to face him. I tipped my head up, thus he's a lot taller than me, and smiled up at him. He stared down at me, twinkles in his eyes, and continued;**_

"_**In another world you would have been mine, and in that world I would have treated you like a princess"**_

_**I smiled sheepishly up at him and said that I'm not that kind of a girl — to treat like a princess. I'm a girl who's always gonna take care of herself, whenever the time or world. He just laughed at me, turned me around and kept dragging me forward on the beach.**_

* * *

_**End of flashback**_

* * *

I think that what hurts the most, was being so close to Dimitri. Having so much to say and then watching him walk away. It's hard to deal with the pain of losing him, but I'm doing it, and it's hard to force a smile when I see my friends and I'm alone. Even though going on with him gone still upsets me there are days that I can pretend that I'm okay.

I mean, I wasn't the type to get my heart broken. I was the one who broke hearts... and I'm not the type who gets upset and cries. 'Cause I've never left my heart open like that before. Relationships didn't get deep to me and I never understood the whole _in love _thing. Someone could say that they loved me truly, but at the time it didn't mean a thing.

Right now, in this moment, my mind is gone and deep inside... I'm losing my grip on what's happening. From being a heart breaker I became the heart broken. It felt like I was just a victim and it cut me like a knife... when he walked away from me – from _us. _

And …. and now I'm in this condition. I've got all the symptoms of a girl with a broken heart. A pathetic girl with a broken heart. But no matter what they'll never see me cry ever again. I'm so done crying over something that I can't change. It's such a waste of energy and time. And I have better things to do with my time. Like being with Lissa and all my other friends.

Maybe it was because we spent so much time together before he got turned... and now I know that it's not gonna happen any more... I should've never let him hold me and I can't quite figure out how he stole my heart. I never meant to let it get so personal and after all I tried to do, to stay away from him – from loving him... Stupid, _stupid _me for getting my heart broken. And I really need to stop all my pouring-my-heart-out moments, I can't show him more... I can't show my weakness by crying in front of him, or anyone else. Enough is _enough! _

I need to get my shit together, I need to realize that he's not coming back to me – _ever. _

I broke out of my thoughts when I heard Lissa scream bloody murderer in the bathroom. I took a leap out of my bed and hurried to her only to discover that she'd locked the bathroom door. Many thoughts swirled through my head while my heart was pounding in my chest when I asked her in a calm and level tone; what the heck's wrong?!

I was banging my fist on the door while getting more and more stressed about what was going on when she finally opened the damned door. I grabbed her shoulders and asked her what happened, in a panicked voice. But she just shook her head and walked towards her bed. I watched her while she just lied on her back, staring up at the ceiling. No harm was done to her, apparently, but I still didn't know why she screamed like someone were trying to kill her.

"Liss, why did you scream like someone were on their way to kill you?" I asked confounded.

She still didn't answer me and I was really beginning to worry now. Why can't she talk to me? What the heck happened! I walked briskly over to her at her bed and bent down to look into her eyes. I took one of her hands in mine while sitting down beside her.

"Lissa talk to me. What happened?" I asked softly.

"No it's nothing. It's so embarrassing." a faint blush creeping up on her pale cheeks.

"I won't laugh, I promise. Just tell me what scared the hell out of you just a moment ago and made you speechless for a while."

"Well I guess I can tell you, if you promise not to laugh" she eyed me warily and I nodded my promise, watching her while she took a deep breath.

"There was a cockroach on the toilet" she whispered while her cheeks turned bright red.

I stared at her, for a moment bewildered, and then before I even realized it I was on the floor laughing and clutching my stomach from the impact of the laugh. Lissas face turned even more disbelievingly red and she shot me a glare.

"You promised that you wouldn't laugh"

"S-orry.. _gasp _I …. really am... sorry!" I had a really hard time to get those words out.

"No you're obviously not sorry at all. You just thinks that I'm a coward who cannot handle some cockroach. But just you wait you evil friend of mine. Because one of this days, you'll meet a big, _big _spider. And then I'm gonna be the person lying on the floor clutching _my _stomach with laughter." she glared at me. But in the end she cracked too and laughed with me. Just happy to see me happy for once.

Both of us jumped when a loud banging came from our door. And I watched with horror when the door was broken down into tiny pieces of woods, falling down on the floor like bonfire wood. I quickly stumbled up from the floor to a fighting stance, but then I realized that there wasn't a threat at the door. It was just Eddie and Dimitri, ready to fight against the danger. I guessed they herd Lissas scream.

I watched them with a serious expression on my face and said that the threat were in the bathroom. They nodded at me and walked slowly to the bathroom door, eyes serious while nudging the door open. When the door opened their eyes shot me a look of surprise when all they found was an empty room. And in that moment when I saw their faces... I couldn't take it and slumped down on the floor, once more, cracking up in laughter again. And now Lissa joined me on the floor, clutching her stomach from the hurt for laughing so hard.

"_Oh...my...good_" I choked out between my outbursts of laughter. "That was fucking hilarious, you should have seen your faces!"

They just shot us blank faces and asked where the threat had gone. And we just laughed more. While Lissa and I just lied there on the floor laughing our asses off, the others stepped through the smashed door and frowned down at us. Their faces shone with curiosity to what had happened and they demanded for us to explain.

I tried to stop laughing but failed miserably when I shot Lissa a glance. When our eyes met we just couldn't stand it and kept laughing like idiots on the floor while our friends watched us – faces blank and confused.

After a couple of hilarious minutes I finally managed to stop laughing and sat up on the floor and faced my friends and co-workers. I watched them while my lips twitched up in an amused smile.

"Rose, why don't you tell us this... this ahem.. story? It must be quite fun because you just couldn't stop laughing?" Mia asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Or just share whatever thing you're high on, that would just do too you know, so we too can laugh like maniacs." Adrian said eagerly.

"We didn't get high if that's what you thought" I snorted.

"Well, then what the hell were you two laughing so hard about?" Christian said annoyed as hell that he wasn't in – in the joke.

"I don't know if I'm allowed to tell you guys actually so you'll have to ask Lissa 'bout that"

She turned to me with a glare and I just shrugged my shoulders, truly amused by the situation.

"Lissa, what happened?" Jill asked, curiosity evident in her jade green eyes, the same as Lissas.

"Ahem... I went in to the toilet and when I was about to... eeh... you know what, it's really not that funny, nor that important" she said quite flustered by the situation.

"Ah come on! Tell us already!"

"..."

"Liss, you might just tell them or they'll just figure it out anyway later." I told her with a soft smile, encouraging her to tell our friends about our hilarious moment.

"Okay.. you're probably right." She sighed and took a deep breath. "when I was about to sit down on the toilet I saw a cockroach... and I hate cockroaches"

The others just stared at her for a moment and in seconds they were all rolling on the floor laughing their asses off too. Oh well, all except Dimitri, of course. His lips just twisted and his eyes twinkled with amusement when they met mine. But I quickly glanced away... not ready, _not ready. _I thought silently to myself. So instead I watched the others while they gathered themselves up from the floor.

Christian sauntered over to Lissa and told her that it's okay to not like cockroaches. But maybe she shouldn't be screaming bloody murderer the next time she met one. 'Coz it's gonna make Castile and Belikov to run away from a perfectly nice game of poker. He smirked, but that smirk faded when Lissa swatted his arm and asked him what would have happened if she was in real danger. He blanched and apologized and that she should scream loud enough so everybody could hear if anything, and he meant _anything _happened to her.

I rolled my eyes at his antics and strolled passed them out of the now very crowded bungalow. I stretched my whole body when I got out and started to walk towards my little heaven – the oasis. We were going home tomorrow and I wanted to pay one more visit too it before leaving.

I walked near the water, feeling it every time the waves hit the shore. I really enjoyed this vacation. It had made me relax from all my problems – from all of our problems. I need to remind myself that I'm not the only one with problems – If you could say that being crowned Queen was a problem. Lissa's gonna be a brilliant Queen, make all the changes that our society need – our races needs. And we're gonna be by her side for every step she takes.

But sometimes I wonder if we all do appreciate the time we have together. We do live in a world full och danger, especially now when Lissa's gonna be the Queen. Sometimes I wonder; If tomorrow never comes, will he know how much I loved him? Did I really try in every way to show him that he's the only one for me? And if my time on earth were through, and he must face this world without me – Is the love I gave him in the past gonna be enough to last? I mean – I know for sure that I'll always love him, living or dead. On earth, heaven or hell. _Forever... _

Oh, God. Why does always love have to be such a battlefield? It's an even worse battlefield than the actual battle with a strigoi. True, I bleed and the wounds hurts after a fight with strigoi, but the inner wounds – the wounds my heart are getting are so much worse. It hurts even more, not healing the same way like physical wounds. This wounds are nothing that Lissas Spirit can heal, nobody can heal it. Except _him_.

_Duh_, Rose that will never happen! Remember he doesn't love you.

Well see how peachy I am right in this moment. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just walk away and never look back in the past, at what have already been and been lost. It's so typical that I'm here alone wallowing in my heartache. But what should I do about it? I don't feel like sharing all my miserable feelings with my friends. They don't need to feel miserable too, I need them to feel happy – so I can feel happy too, sometimes.

By this time I've finally arrived at my heavenly place, the oasis. I dropped my things on the sand and walked down to the water. I walked slowly, relishing in the feeling the water are giving me, and then lowered my whole body in the water.

While I was laying there and floating on my back, watching the dark sky with all the twinkling stars. I noticed that someone were watching me. I started to stand up slowly in the water and then turned to the person who stood by my stuff, watching me.

I sighed, so much for loneliness. He seems to always find me, even though I don't want to be find. I wonder why... Why is he always looking for me? I thought that we'd be acting professional against one another. Not always put ourselves in situations like this, alone. My mind kept swirling with confused thoughts and he walked into the water in the meantime. I shuddered, what is he doing? Why is he joining me? _Why_?

"Why are you here?" I asked, slightly hesitant.

"I wanted to talk too you" he said while looking me deep in the eyes.

"Why?" I was now feeling very uncomfortable, being this close – but not able to touch him, kiss him, hold him, _love _him.

"I need to talk too you about something. Something important – something I should have said before, and something I shouldn't have said."

His eyes are so _deep_, I thought to myself when he spoke. I'm so not gonna survive this, whatever this it. My racing heart is just the same as always. Why am I making it strong just to have it broken one more time?

"Um, I think I better leave right now" _Before I fall any deeper _I thought to myself. I'm feeling weaker and weaker by the minute I'm alone with him.

"Roza, I really need to get the chance to explain something too you" he said. Pleading almost.

"Okay, I'm here so please explain why you're opening up a healing wound again?"

I can see that he's struggling to find the right word to utter. And I'm starting to feel that it's impossible to escape this, if I try to move he's gonna grab me, and that is something I really _can't _handle right now.

"I can't say enough how good it feels, seeing you today... and I see that you've got your smile back, saying that your right on track..." he trailed of in the end, gazing into my eyes. Searching for something, but what?

I took a deep breath... What is he doing? Why is he saying this things? What do he really want to say? I opened my mouth to start saying something, but he cut me off.

"You may never know, if I don't tell you right now, that I'm proud over you. And perhaps I just should say that I couldn't bear to lose you again..." he said with seriousness radiating off of him.

My breath hitched and I didn't know what to respond to that. He'd left me totally speechless. And that's when he started to walk closer to me in the water.

_Shit!_

* * *

**Dam da dam! Wow Dimitri, you're bold! What's he gonna do? Kiss her? Hug her? LOVE her? What will Rose do? Respond to it or run away from him, leaving him again? **

**I need some looove from you guys :)**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

**Hey!**

**Here we go with chapter 9! Sorry for not updating but I've tried to write a couple of chapters first - before uploading. So I'll have some finished for you haha. I've also been reading some fanfic myself.. too caught up with some of them.**

**Songs I've been inspired by;**

**Westlife – If I let you go**

**Gavin Degraw – I don't want to be**

**Leighton Meester – Your love's a drug**

**Beyoncé – Broken-hearted girl**

**Mika – Happy ending**

**Bruno Mars – Grenade**

**Erik Hassle - Hurtful**

**Anyhow Enjoy!**

**xo**

**Angie**

* * *

Previously in _A Drop In The Ocean_

"Roza, I really need to get the chance to explain something too you" he said. Pleading almost.

"Okay, I'm here so please explain why you're opening up a healing wound again?"

I can see that he's struggling to find the right word to utter. And I'm starting to feel that it's impossible to escape this, if I try to move he's gonna grab me, and that is something I really _can't _handle right now.

"I can't say enough how good it feels, seeing you today... and I see that you've got your smile back, saying that your right on track..." he trailed of in the end, gazing into my eyes. Searching for something, but what?

I took a deep breath... What is he doing? Why is he saying this things? What does he really want to say? I opened my mouth to start saying something, but he cut me off.

"You may never know, if I don't tell you right now, that I'm proud over you. And perhaps I just should say that I couldn't bear to lose you again..." he said with seriousness radiating off of him.

My breath hitched and I didn't know what to respond to that. He'd left me totally speechless. And that's when he started to walk closer to me in the water.

_Shit!_

* * *

Rose POV

I can't breathe... I don't know what to do... He's still approaching me, slowly – cautiously. What's his intention? What will he do? Why is he doing this? _I really don't understand him! _

Oh my God... He's leaning in.. _what the hell are you doing Rose? Why are you standing still like a rock? Why aren't you moving away? Do you want to get your heart broken again? Why are you letting him do this to you? _

My thoughts are everywhere. I can't think straight nor can I breathe. And before I can make an escape – his arms are around me, encircling me in their strength. His aftershave are lingering around us, making me dizzy. I've always been weak to his aftershave, I love it.. I love him..

He's leaning in closer, watching me with those deep brown eyes of his. Searching for something in my eyes – a confirmation? … to kiss me? _Oh yes do... please... _Rose _what the fuck are you thinking?! _Get out from this situation now! Before it's too late...

Who am I kidding? I want this.. This is what I want and what I've always wanted.

He's leaning in inch by inch now, still searching my face for any rejection. My breath are uneven and my heart is racing. Him being so close is making me lose all my reasons to why this is a bad idea. I've missed him so much, I've missed his touch, his arms, his body – _him. _

I'm closing my eyes – waiting for what's coming. A kiss – he's gonna _kiss _me. Love me, feel me, adore me – take me! _I'm all yours._ My mind are screaming all this to me – to him. Begging him silently to give in. Give in to what's inevitable. We can't escape each other, not when our love is so strong. Not when we truly belong to each other.

I can feel his breath on my lips now. He's hovering over me and then he leaned down to press his soft lips against mine.

_I'm in heaven_.

All the memories from our time together are floating back at me, in my mind. All the good memories and then comes the bad. The memories from when he was restored – the rejection.

_Love fades. Mine has._

I jerked away and stared at him in shock. I can't believe he just kissed me – and that I let him, willingly – weakly. _Damn _him and his irresistible body. Why oh _why _am I always in situations like this? So fucking messed up.

"Why did you do that for?"

I wanted to scream because my feelings are everywhere. I just wanted to scream my frustration out, it's too much to handle.

"Because I wanted to. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for the words I spoke – I didn't mean them. Or maybe I did, at the time, but I realized that it was a huge mistake. I miss you Roza – I miss us. Don't you?" he said with a whisper. Closing his eyes almost like he's relishing in the moment – with the apologies.

I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do _this. _Why is he doing this to me? Haven't he done enough? Does he want to see me more broken? Is that what he want? Break me apart yet again?

"Are you suggesting that I'm just gonna up and forget about it? Forgive you this easily?"

At this point I'm so frustrated and angry that I can't help myself – I've raised my voice.

"No of course not.. But Roza, can't you try? Don't you love me anymore? I love you – with everything in me."

His eyes, pleading and filled with that love I've been searching for – for a long time, are staring at me. Pleading me to understand, pleading me to forgive him. How am I suppose to do that? I love him, yes. But I hate him too. I hate the man that he became after being restored. I hate him because of the words he said. He almost destroyed me. I'm not the same girl now – I'm not like I was when we first met.

The carefree me is gone, maybe not forever but right now I can't find her inside of me. I'm not her. Now I'm just empty and filled with regret and sorrow for everything that happened. How am I supposed to just forgive and forget when I'm so lost?

This are the words I wanted him to say to me when he was restored. But it's been too long since then. At this point, when he actually said them, I'd already stopped waiting. I'd stopped waiting for him.

"Dimitri... I love you, yes... But I hate you too. For everything you said and done... For everything you didn't do. For making me waiting for your love like this." I whispered, out of energy by now. My inner thoughts still raging in my mind.

"Roza..." his eyes wide open because of my confirmation.

"No listen! I love you. I hate you. I waited for you. But I've stopped waiting, Dimitri. I gave up on our love – on us. It's too late... you're too late... your love is too late.. everything is too late."

I can't believe that I'm saying this to him. Deep inside I just want to run into his arms so that he can hold me – love me. But I also know that I have to protect my feelings – I need to protect myself. I'm walking on a thin line here, weak and almost destroyed. I'm just not in the position to forgive and forget – not yet anyway.

"So you don't want to be with me anymore?" he whispered. His eyes shining of regret and devastation. "You've moved on?"

"No... yes... _No! _I'm sorry! I don't know anymore, Dimitri. Like I said – I've waited for too long."

"If I give you more space to think and to heal. Will you give me a new chance?"

He glanced down on me, hope lingering in the back of his beautiful eyes.

"I... I don't know." I whispered. Totally and utterly destroyed, yet again.

I'm giving him up. I have nothing more in me to believe in. Love is just something stupid and it makes you hurt like never before.

"Roza, please, don't give up on me – on us." he pleaded.

Dimitri doesn't plead – ever. He's supposed to be the stronger one, not like this. I stared at him in surprise. He does love me. At this moment I'm beginning to realize that he really does love me.

"I'll do anything... anything to have you back."

"Let me just be, for now, and I don't know how long. I can't go back to what was right now. I can't be with you like this. I need the distance. I need to heal, to find myself again. And if I do, then maybe we can try again. If you can wait..." I whispered to him. Afraid of what I'm saying and feeling.

"I have to go now. I can't handle this anymore"

I began to turn around and back up to the beach when he stopped me with a gentle hand on my shoulder. I turned back to him...

"Wait Roza... I just need to say this to you... please" he said.

"What more do you need to say?" I was getting frustrated again by now.

"I just need you to know, that day after day – when time passed away. I just couldn't get you off my mind. Nobody knows... I hide it inside. I kept on searching, but couldn't find, the courage to show and letting you know – that I've never felt so much love before." his voice almost shaking from all the emotions he's showing.

"Roza, I was broken when I got restored. I took the easy way out... But if I let you go, I will never know – what my life would be holding you close to me. Will I ever see; you smiling back at me again? How will I know that if I let you go?"

I was speechless... Never did I know that I'd experience Dimitri confessing things like this. Not ever.

"Roza, night after night I thought to myself; why can't this feeling just fade away? I knew that you tried to move on without me – with your own life. And I knew that I needed to keep my distance, because I knew about the damage I did to you. But.. there's no one like you... you speak to my heart... you're the only one who understands me. You understand me better than I do myself."

He's gonna make me cry, badly, if he doesn't stop right now...

"I was too shy to ask and too proud to lose, but I knew that sooner or later I got to choose. And today, when I saw you happy, I just couldn't deny it anymore. That I love you with everything in me. I can't lose you – I won't lose you."

He wont lose me.. he already has. How will he change that? What will he do?

"You've already lost me, Dimitri. You gave up on us first." I sad with a sad voice.

"No! _No! _Don't say that... please... give us another chance.. please Roza.. I love you."

For just this once, I'm the one who doesn't have anything to say. I'm out of thoughts and feelings about what to feel.

"I guess I'll give you time... time to win me back.. But don't get your hopes up. It might take forever."

"Then it'll take forever. Forever is nothing – if it's about you."

And with that I turned away, nothing more to say. I needed space after this encounter. He just poured his heart out to me. He'd never done that before. I'm in shock. Didn't see that coming at all. I wonder what got to him, what made him say this things.

Does he really love me?

Can I truly give him another chance?

And if I'll do that, can I trust him? What if he breaks my heart again? Will I be able to survive it again? I don't think so...

This is just too much. My feelings are everywhere. I don't know what I'm feeling and yet I do. Love-hate, hate-love. Which feeling are the strongest? If love is, then I could be with him again. But if it's hate...

Why? He's always making me so confused, so lost. I need to figure myself out...

I don't need to be anything other than the daughter of Janine Hathaway. I don't need anything other than to be Abes' daughter. I don't have to be anyone other than the birth of two souls... Part of where I'm going, is knowing where I'm coming from.

I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately, happy. All I really have to do is think of me and I'll have peace of mind. I'm tired of looking around rooms, wondering what I've got to do or who I'm supposed to be. I just want to be me – the carefree me.

But I wasn't careful, I got addicted. He's everything I need and in reality I can't get enough. His love's kind of a drug to me. I need it – needed it. That feeling of completeness whenever I'm with him. How am I gonna survive?

I guess that's the reason to why I said to him that I can't be with him right now. I need to free myself from my addiction towards him. I need to be independent and not rely on him so much. I've discovered under this time when we've been apart, that I relied on him too much. I need to grow up and really get to know myself – by myself.

He's everything I thought he never were and he's nothing like I thought that he could have been. But still all my thoughts are about him... He's the only one I wish I could forget, the only one I love too much to not forgive. And though he broke my heart, he's the only one. And though there are times when I hate him – 'cause I can't erase the times he hurt me and put tears on my face – I know that I'll be there for him at the end of the day. I just don't want to be a broken-hearted girl anymore.

This is the way he left me.. no hope, no love, no glory – no happy ending. This is the way that we love, like it's forever. Then live the rest of our life, but not together. At least that's what I thought. Maybe we can have a happy ending? And once again, it all depends on me...

I gave him everything I had – and he just tossed it away. _Love fades, mine has..._ To give me all his love is all I ever asked. I wonder if he understands that I'd catch a grenade for him.. throw my hand on a blade for him... I'd jump in front of a train for him.. I'd do anything for him.. I'd take a bullet for him, die for him.. I'd go through all this pain just for him – because I love him.

So why did he throw it away? Why did he push me away?

* * *

Dimitri POV

I guess you don't know what you got 'til you're missing it a lot. I wasn't aware off how good Roza was to me, how good she made me. How good we were together – matching souls. And I had to go throw that away. I was so wrong... And I tried to apologize from the bottom of my heart. What I did to her was hurtful – what I'm going through is hurtful.

I'll do anything to get her back. I just need to figure out what to do.

I'm devastated that she'd already given up on us. Never had it crossed my mind that she would give up on us. But I guess the blame's on me. How could I say those things to her? Why did I hurt her so deeply? Why couldn't I just embrace her and the love she had to give? Why couldn't I accept her?

But deep inside I know – I know that at the time I couldn't accept her and her love. I was broken – broken from the time when I was a strigoi. How can I explain that to her? That I needed to find the way back to myself before I could take in all that she had to give. How can I make her understand?

If she never understands, then it's all my fault. Because I couldn't forgive myself – when she already had forgiven me. She forgave me so easily... I couldn't get that through my thick skull. I'm such a stupid man. I couldn't see the good right in front of me and now I've lost it.

I can't allow that – I can't lose her completely. I need to win her back – I need her back. She's the last piece of the puzzle that resembles me. I need her; to be complete.

I will win her back – her love.

I was so wrong to say that Lissa's the one who saved me. Yes, she was the one who staked me. But truly, it was Rose who risked everything just to save me. I owe her everything.

Without realizing it I had walked back to our bungalows and a thought hit me. I should talk to Lissa about the situation. Maybe she could help me in any way – to win Roza back. She said that I could talk to her about anything... And I think that she wants Rose to be happy – and I hope that she knows that I'm the one who can make her truly happy.

I walked to the bungalow that Lissa shared with Rose and knocked on their door. With the hope that Rose wasn't back just yet.

"Hi Dimitri! How are you?" Lissa asked with a smile on her face.

She's so kind I thought while I exhaled a breath that I wasn't aware of that I'd held.

"Hi Lissa, I'm okay. Do you have time to talk to me?" I asked her, not wasting any time.

"Yes of course. Is something wrong?" she looked concerned when she asked that.

"No.. or well yes. I talked to Rose a little while ago. Told her that I still love her and that I want to be with her again. But she said that she couldn't forgive me just like that – which is understandable. And I said that she could take her time and that I would wait – even if it will take forever."

"Okay... so why did you come to me if you've already talked to Rose? She asked, curious.

"Well, I need your help – to win her back. Can you help me?" I asked her, almost pleading.

I don't understand myself right now. Pleading and all.. I'm getting crazy from love.

"Oh.. what did you have in mind?"

"I.. I don't know. I was hoping that you maybe had an idea? If you think that she'll take me back.." I asked unsure.

"Hm... I think she'll take you back, if you give her time. I know for a fact that she still loves you deeply. But right now she's too broken, too hurt. But I promise that I'll help you." she said, eyes sparkling with compassion for her friend – for me.

"Thanks, you're great Lissa. I owe you yet again." I said grateful for her help.

"No you don't. But if she takes you back, you need to promise me that you'll never hurt her again. I don't think that I can watch her be this destroyed again, Dimitri."

"I promise... with everything I have, that I'll never hurt her again." I said sincerely.

"Alright give me some time and I'll think this through. I'll figure something out."

And with one last smile she closed the door, leaving me outside – hopeful.

* * *

**A Dimitri who's strong enough to actually speak up? I like it, but do you? And what about Rose? Will she take him back? Or will they forever be apart?**

**I'm gonna try to update maybe twice a week, maybe more, depends on the response and how much time I have. :)**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

**Hey everybody. Sorry for the delay. I was suppose to upload this last week, but you know easter and everything. I didn't have the time! But here it is and I hope you'll enjoy it! In this chapter I haven't used any songs, I just couldn't find some that fitted.**

**xo**

**Angie**

* * *

Previously in _A Drop In The Ocean_

I walked to the bungalow that Lissa shared with Rose and knocked on their door. With the hope that Rose wasn't back just yet.

"Hi Dimitri! How are you?" Lissa asked with a smile on her face.

She's so kind I thought while I exhaled a breath that I wasn't aware of that I held.

"Hi Lissa, I'm okay. Do you have time to talk to me?" I asked her, not wasting any time.

"Yes of course. Is something wrong?" she looked concerned when she asked that.

"No.. or well yes. I talked to Rose a little while ago. Told her that I still love her and that I want to be with her again. But she said that she couldn't forgive me just like that – which is understandable. And I said that she could take her time and that I would wait – even if it will take forever."

"Okay... so why did you come to me if you've already talked to Rose? She asked, curisous.

"Well, I need your help – to win her back. Can you help me?" I asked her, almost pleading.

I don't understand myself right now. Pleading and all.. I'm getting crazy from love.

"Oh.. what did you have in mind?"

"I.. I don't know. I was hoping that you maybe had an idea? If you think that she'll take me back.." I asked unsure.

"Hm... I think she'll take you back, if you give her time. I know for a fact that she still loves you deeply. But right now she's too broken, too hurt. But I promise that I'll help you." she said, eyes sparkling with compassion for her friend – for me.

"Thanks, you're great Lissa. I owe you yet again." I said grateful for her help.

"No you don't. But if she takes you back, you need to promise me that you'll never hurt her again. I don't think that I can watch her be this destroyed again, Dimitri."

"I promise... with everything I have, that I'll never hurt her again." I said sincerely.

"Alright give me some time and I'll think this through. I'll figure something out."

And with one last smile she closed the door, leaving me outside – hopeful.

* * *

Lissa POV

Oh God. Dimitri just admitted that he'd declared his love for Rose. I wonder how she's taking it. If she can handle it. What if she cant? I can't lose my best friend again – I need to help them in some way.

I was so caught up in my thoughts about Rose and Dimitri that I didn't even notice that Mia and Jill entered our bungalow.

"Hey Lissa, whats up with the frown in your face?" Mia asked concerned.

"Dimitri was just here. He told me that he finally told Rose that he still loves her. But she said that she couldn't just up and forgive and forget right now. And he asked for my help to win her back" I answered her.

"Oh finally! He have seen the light. That man is so slow." Mia smirked.

"But the problem here's that Rose isn't gonna take him back. He hurt her too much." I said sadly.

"Yeah, but we all know that she's still madly in love with him. She can't go around like this forever." Mia said with raised eyebrows.

"But it's Rose we're talking about here. When she's like this – there isn't much you can do actually" I said exasperatedly.

"But then again – she has us! Right! We're gonna help the two." Jill squealed happily.

"How? I haven't figured something out yet." I murmured.

"We'll figure something out together."

"Alright, lets just hope that she doesn't kill us for doing something" I said.

"Yeah, lets hope"

* * *

Rose POV

Vacation's over. Finally. I've had enough of this. I can't wait to get home to a little normality. At home there's more space for me to avoid Dimitri – and all the others. I need some space, we've been too close here at this tiny island.

I'm sitting by myself by a window on the privet jet we have – thanks to Adrian and his money. But I'm glad, that way we don't need to worry too much about other people coming too close. I've had too much time to think during this vacation. But even though I've thought a lot, I haven't come close to a solution about my situation.

Who could have thought that Dimitri would spill everything he's feeling to me? I certainly didn't know or expect it. It's still a shock to me even though it's been two days since. It's almost a little bit heartbreaking – thinking about how much he showed about himself and his vulnerability when he poured his heart out to me. It doesn't happen that often.

I guess that I've been right about that; I'm the only one who he can show the real him to. We've been able to read each other like open books from day one. Is that true love? Soul mate material? If it is true love, then we can get through this mess? This mess that we both caused. I hope so... I really do.

Because if we don't – then I don't think that we could continue with being guardian partners to Lissa. It's gonna be too unbearable. And we both need some happiness in our simple lives. Maybe he should take a vacation? Visit his family in Russia. Reassure them about his living status – that he's not a strigoi anymore. His family means so much to him – and to me too.

I haven't seen them since I was in Russia last time – hunting strigoi Dimitri. And I miss them – I miss Olena and her cooking and of course her motherly care. Viktorias bubbly personality and even scary Yeva. And of course everyone else that I met there, for the brief time I were there.

If everything wasn't such a mess we could have gone together, to visit his family and home country. I would have loved it if Dimitri would act like my guide and tour me around Russia – just the two of us. It would be okay if all our friends tagged along too – 'coz they're something special and makes me happy every day.

Thinking about happy memories; my mind traveled back to the oasis – to that day when Dimitri exclaimed his love for me. I couldn't guess why he decided to express his feelings about me – about us – in that moment. If it wasn't about something so disturbingly hurtful – it might have been romantic.

But the thing with me and my life, is that it doesn't go the way I want it to. Damn life and it's unfairness. I hate it sometimes. I've never gotten anything from life that I can enjoy. Um.. well that isn't true, I've got Lissa and all my other friends. I succeeded to become Lissas guardian, and that is something to be proud of. At least my parents are – and Dimitri too apparently.

There have been a lot of confessions on this short vacation. Maybe too much? I don't know how to handle everything that's happening. Sometimes I wonder when I'll get my rest – rest from all the troubles my life seems to be surrounded by. But knowing my luck – it wont get that easy ever. And I guess that it wouldn't be a real life if everything was served on a silver platter. No, I lived for the excitement in life.

But yet again, as I said before, sometimes you just need some time to catch your breath. Time to just stop for a minute and think everything through. If you don't get time to digest everything that's happening to you – you might go crazy. Or that's just something I believe. Not quite sure.

Sometimes I wish that we could go back to St. Vladimir's and the schools secure lifestyle. The carefree lifestyle of a young girl attending school and a girl who isn't aware of the problems life's preparing for her. But that will never happen, just because you are unhappy you can't go and turn back time.

I'm trying to remember all my happy memories, but in this state that I'm in it's quite hard. When I'm trying I'm just reminded of times in life I'll never get back. Like that memory from the cabin – the only time I've been with a man. At the time the man I loved with all my heart. In that memory I remember that we'd decided that everything would be okay – and that we would figure things out so that we could be together.

And then all the plans were destroyed – just because that Dimitri was taken down by that damned strigoi. 'Til this day – I still hate him, the strigoi who destroyed my happy bubble. Sometimes I wonder how it would have been – if Dimitri weren't turned. Would we be happy? Would we be together? Or would we be struggling with our emotions still? I don't know – and I'll never now.

I guess that it isn't exactly healthy either to think too much about what could or couldn't have been. But I'm only human, I do make mistakes – we all do. I should talk to someone, while sitting on this damn plane, not just sit here and wallow about everything. But I can't help it.. I'm a thinker – a hard thinker. Even though it seems that I sometimes only act before thinking – I do think first sometimes. Thanks to Dimitri and his zen lessons.

Ah yeah, once again, memories of good old times. I can't believe that it's almost a year since we graduated. And look where I stand today – a guardian to the soon to be Queen of the moroi and dhampir society. It's hard to remember that I'm only 19.

I feel so old sometimes... I've been through a lot in the time I've been on this earth. First of all I became friends with Lissa and second – friends with everyone else. And I can't forget Lissas and I's great escape from school and Victor Dashkov. That evil son of a bitch almost destroyed her. But I still can't help to feel guilt over his death. I know that I couldn't control myself when I had so much darkness in me, but I truly wished that he was rotting in Tarasov instead of being dead – by my hand. I'm not an animal, even though I acted like one when I was overtaken by darkness.

I've got split feelings about not being bonded to Lissa anymore. I had quite an advantage when I could see where she is whenever I wanted to. But at the same time I'm relieved that we're not bonded anymore. Because I certainly couldn't handle the darkness I took from Liss. I remember that Ms. Karp once told me that it's better this way, because Lissa's better off handling the darkness by herself. Me, as a non-spirit user aren't supposed to handle the darkness.

I do worry sometimes that Lissa might turn crazy from all the darkness that's appearing by using her magic. Even though I'm not bonded to her, we were bonded long enough for me to learn how she's behaving with her body-language. I can see when darkness rises in her, and it's then I'm scared. Scared that she might do something stupid – like cut herself too deep. What would I do then?

I know that I need to stop worrying about her and her well being when it comes to magic, she knows more about it than I do. But still, I can't help myself.

With my mind clouded with too many thoughts, I drifted off to a deep sleep in my comfortable seat.

* * *

Lissa POV

I watched Rose while she was sitting by herself. I could see how occupied her mind was, just by seeing all the emotions play in her face. I don't think that she's aware of her emotion showing off that much in her face – and I'm quite sure that I'm not the only one watching her right in this moment.

From my peripheral I could see Dimitri watch her intently. You could almost feel his wish to be close to her. But he's holding himself down, sitting across from her – near but still so far away. What should I do?

How can I possibly help them? I'm not in the position to just say to Rose that she should give Dimitri a chance. I know where she's standing – he hurt her too much. And it's partly my fault, because I didn't let her see him at the time. Just because Dimitri asked be not to let her near him. But I know where Dimitri stands, too. He was badly damaged by the traumatic experience by being strigoi.

He told me, when I'd restored him, that he remember everything that he did when he was living like an undead evil creature. Even though he didn't tell me exactly what he did to Rose – I can guess by the guilt he bore. I wouldn't wish that to my worst enemy – ever.

Sometimes I wished that Rose would confide in me more – I mean I'm her best friend and all. But I think that she's holding too much to herself. She needs to talk to someone, get everything out now and then. I wished that I was that person, but I'm not. I know that it sounds that I'm self-pitying myself because my best friend wont confide in me – but what I mean is that I just wished that she talked more to someone. And I know that that someone is Dimitri. I know that she could talk to him about anything and everything.

Even though she might not have wanted to talk about it – I'm quite sure that he could get it out of her. I can feel – and see – that they're soul mates. Their auras... It's like watching a burning fire or the sun shining bright when you look at them and their together doing something. They just feel so much for each other and they're both too stubborn sometimes for their own good.

This vacation was sure good for both of them. Good for Rose to relax a bit and for Dimitri to realize his true feelings. Even though he seems beaten at the moment over the rejection, I hope that they'll be together by the end of the year. I wouldn't want any less for either of them – they're so miserable without each other.

I hope that Rose remembers the talk we had in our bungalow. The talk about love – that if it was worth having, then it's worth fighting for. I guess that Christian and I are living proof for that statement. We've also had our ups and downs and bumps throughout the road to where we are today – and I don't think that all our ups and downs and bumps are quite over yet either.

Oh... I need to come up with something brilliant to help Dimitri. Without causing Rose to suspect something. But what? And how?

* * *

Dimitri POV

I'm trying to suppress the urge to go and sit beside Rose and just hold her while she's sleeping. The feeling's so strong; almost like being held under compulsion. But I know that it's just my emotions... They're everywhere... I've went from a non-emotional person to an emotional. Okay I know that I've always been capable to feel my emotions but I've always had control over them. But now – it's almost like I've lost _all _control over them.

I'm still capable to muster up a little or else I would already have been holding Rose tight against my aching chest. I need her so bad – so bad that it almost hurts. And she's so beautiful – peaceful in her sleep. I know that I want to feel her against my body but right now I'm content with just watching her. That's all I'll get until she wants me back. I hope she wants me back...

I really hope that Lissa's capable of planning something for us, so that we can be together. I don't want it to be awkward anymore – we need some normality in our lives. Especially Rose and I – we've been through so much.

I need to stop thinking about her or else I'll lose all the control I have left. So instead of thinking of her I began to think about my family in Russia. I haven't seen them in years and I miss them a lot. I wonder if mama knows I'm alive.. I know well enough that I needed to call them or send them a letter that I'm alive. But I'm quite afraid of their reactions. I don't want them to be afraid of me.. If it comes to that I rather have them think that I'm dead.

Babushka might know that I'm alive with her sixth sense and all, but she's probably waiting for my call. She's not that kind of woman to take the first step – especially when it comes to her own family.

I miss my sisters, my annoying sisters – especially Vika. She's the one I have the closest relationship too. But I miss them all – my family.

* * *

Rose POV

I'm half asleep when I notice something weird.. It's like someone is watching me too intently. I shifted my body in my seat and at the same time I peaked out just a little between my lashes – to see who's staring at me while I'm sleeping.

Dimitri.

Of course it's him. He just had to sit right in front of me. I sighed, nothing to do about that. But I groaned internally, because I'm starting to realize that he's not gonna give up that easily. He'll do something unexpected – just to win me back.

Even though I'm still quite mad at him I'm starting to feel curious to what he's planning. How in the world is he gonna take me back? If I were the old me – the girl he met when I still was in school – I would definitely already be in his arms. Begging for his love, his touch.. his kisses...

But no, I had to be the reasoning Rose who's too upset to take him back that easily. But who can blame me? No one I know would take someone back after being rejected the way I was. Maybe I'm a bit delusional – I mean Christian took Lissa back after she'd been such a bitch to him. Is that how true love acts?

Then I'm royally screwed, because then it wont take long before I'm his again. Yes.. royally screwed. I can deny it forever but in the end I'll always love him. He'll always be the one. The one and only.

Stupid love... leave me alone! But luck is never on my side. Because while being so caught up in my thoughts, I didn't realize that I've moved too much in my seat. Because the next thing I knew – I was on the floor and it hurt like a mother fucking bitch. But soon I felt someone lift me up – bridal style – and put me down on my seat again.

Before the person let go of me; I opened my eyes and was met with the deep chocolate brown eyes who belongs to my sexy Russian.

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**So what do you think? What will Rose or Dimitri say after this? Review :)**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

**Hey! Here you have chapter 11 - hope you like it! And I would like to thank everyone who's reviewed and read this story. And I would also like to thank Loveforever01 who suggested Taylor Swift's song :) And please feel free to suggest more songs everybody! And I dearly am sorry that I don't update so often. But as everybody must know - we do have life besides all the fantasy ;)**

**Songs I've been inspired by;**

**Mario – How Do I Breathe**

**Maria – Hold On Be Strong**

**Taylor Swift – I knew you were trouble**

**Enjoy!**

**xo**

**Angie**

* * *

Previously in _A Drop In The Ocean_

I'm half asleep when I notice something weird.. It's like someone is watching me too intently. I shifted my body in my seat and at the same time I peaked out just a little between my lashes – to see who's staring at me while I'm sleeping.

Dimitri.

Of course it's him. He just had to sit right in front of me. I sighed, nothing to do about that. But I groaned internally, because I'm starting to realize that he's not gonna give up that easily. He'll do something unexpected – just to win me back.

Even though I'm still quite mad at him I'm starting to feel curious to what he's planning. How in the world is he gonna take me back? If I were the old me – the girl he met when I still was in school – I would definitely already be in his arms. Begging for his love, his touch.. his kisses...

But no, I had to be the reasoning Rose who's too upset to take him back that easily. But who can blame me? No one I know would take someone back after being rejected the way I was. Maybe I'm a bit delusional – I mean Christian took Lissa back after she'd been such a bitch to him. Is that how true love acts?

Then I'm royally screwed, because then it wont take long before I'm his again. Yes.. royally screwed. I can deny it forever but in the end I'll always love him. He'll always be the one. The one and only.

Stupid love... leave me alone! But luck is never on my side. Because while being so caught up in my thoughts, I didn't realize that I've moved too much in my seat. Because the next thing I knew – I was on the floor and it hurt like a mother fucking bitch. But soon I felt someone lift me up – bridal style – and put me down on my seat again.

Before the person let go of me; I opened my eyes and was met with the deep chocolate brown eyes who belongs to my sexy Russian.

* * *

Rose POV

My Knight in Shining Armor... _Oh no Rose! _Don't start thinking like that. He's not your savior – remember he hurt you in the worst possible way ever. You better stop thinking like this or else there will be no redemption – no recovering properly from heartbreak. If I don't pick up every little piece of my broken heart – then it's all for nothing, this act I'm putting up.

I need to convince myself that I can survive without him. I mean, what will happen if I can't survive by myself? I can't rely on someone like that – I need to rely on myself first. Why did he pick me up in the first place? _Because that's just who he is... _I thought to myself. Of course, always the gentleman in this world. Can't let the lady lay there on the floor after embarrassing herself by falling from it from the beginning. Please kill me now? Why did I have to fall? Stupid, fucking stupid!

"Are you okay Roza?" Dimitri asked me while watching me intently.

What the heck do you answer to a question like that? _Well yeah I'm okay – was just trying out if the floor's more comfortable than the chair. _No stupid, idiotic, sleeping idiot. Yeah rambling away totally. Rose now you need to answer his questing before he questions your sanity too.

"Eh.. yeah – I thought that the floor might be more comfortable than the chair. I mean I couldn't stretch out my whole body in the chair but I could on the floor" I rambled away.

Smooth Rose, real smooth.

"Aha, okay. Well sorry then for picking you up if you wanted to stay on the floor." he said, amusement in his mesmerizing brown eyes.

"Oh, eh, yeah it's alright. I figured out that maybe the chair is much, much more comfortable than the floor actually"

Oh please God, kill me now? What's _wrong _with me? Why can't I act normal around him? Stupid feelings, stupid emotions. Okay shut up already stupid mind.

"Roza..."

Oh.. _shit.. _he's gonna say something deep now again! Why?! _Oh my God! _Am I capable to hear it? Shit, shit, _shit...!_

"Yes, Dimitri?" I said as calmly as I could. And trying to calm my breathing. Don't wanna faint here while he's saying things...

"It feels so different being here... life for me isn't the same and I have no one to turn to. I don't know why I let it go too far... starting over – it's so hard. It seems like everywhere I go – I keep thinking of you..."

"It's okay I guess.. We do have a past together – both bad and good. But you don't have to tell me this, Dimitri." I said carefully, not wanting him to get me wrong. And curious to what exactly he's gonna say.

"You know, this vacation was like a wake up call for me. I wished that I never let you fall... Roza you are not to blame at all for the things that happened – when I'm the one who pushed you away. If you knew I cared... I should just have been there for you."

His voice – so calm, so level, so loving, so... oh fuck this I have no more adjectives in my head. It's spinning already. He doesn't speak this much in regularly basis. Is it just because of me? And my rejection? Is it because of that he's opening up?

"Roza, how do I breathe without you here by my side? How will I see things clearly – when it was your love who brought me to the light? Where do I go when your heart's where I lay my head? When you're not with me Roza, how do I breathe? There's nothing more important on this earth than you"

My mind's totally blank. This man of mine, no just man not mine, are fighting dirty. He knows all the right words – the words that's just gonna go straight to my broken heart. I can feel it heal, just by him saying this to me. _What will I do? What can I do?_

"It feels like I'm losing my mind. Yes I made a mistake, a lot of mistakes... I miss you so badly – I can't sleep... I can't get over you – and Roza I don't wanna let you go... Please come back to me.. 'cause it's so hard for me to breathe when you're not with me."

I'm speechless, yet again, he leaves me like this a lot lately. How can I answer that? How will I react to that? He's making this so hard on me. When he's saying all that stuff I just want to throw my arms around him and never let go.

"Dimitri... I.. I can't come back to you just yet. You know that.. We have already been talking about this... You're not gonna make this easy on me wont you?" I asked tiredly and yet happy for some weird reason.

"I know.. I know.. I just had to try, right? That's all I'm gonna do. Try and get you back in whatever way I can. I'm gonna tell you everything I feel and I hope that you'll listen to what I have to say."

"I will.. I will listen to everything you have to say, but don't expect any good reaction out of it. Or better yet, don't expect any reaction at all. Because honestly, I really don't know what to say to that Dimitri. You're making me so confused..."

"I'm sorry, but I had to say it. I love you Roza, please don't forget that."

"No I will remember that..."

And with that I pulled out my Ipod and plugged my ear-buds in my ear so I didn't have to listen to him anymore. He's making me frustrated again and I can't handle it right now. Not with such small escape routes on this jet.

But maybe it's good that I can't escape his confessions. I mean I need to hear them if I'll ever be able to believe in his love for me. Maybe if he says it everyday I might believe him. If he don't give up on it – then maybe there's a future for us. But right now I just don't know..

With the soothing music in my ears I could focus on my emotions. And I really began to think when _Hold on Be strong _by Maria came on;

_Love can be hard sometimes_  
_Yes it can catch you off guard like bad crimes_  
_Yes it can make you depressed and angry_  
_Make you say why me why won't anybody try me_

_You might be saying ooh, I don't wanna be lonely_  
_Ooh, I don't wanna be by myself_  
_Ooh, don't wanna be lonely_  
_Why ain't anybody lovin? me_

_But there's always someone out there who'll be there for you_  
_There is always someone out there who'll care for you_  
_There's always someone out there who'll be true, true, true_  
_Hold on, hold on, be strong_

_Love can go away forever if you push it_  
_And you have to remember don't rush it_  
_If it ain't right it is wrong_  
_And you'll be crying why me, why won't anybody try me_

_You might be saying ooh, I don't wanna be lonely_  
_Ooh, I don't wanna be by myself_  
_Ooh, don't wanna be lonely -no, no_  
_Why ain't anybody lovin' me_

_But there's always someone out there who'll be there for you_  
_There is always someone out there who'll care for you_  
_There's always someone out there who'll be true, true, true_  
_Hold on, hold on, be strong_

_Yes, there's always someone out there who'll be there for you,_  
_There is always someone out there who'll care for you_  
_There's always someone out there who'll be true, true, true,_  
_Hold on, hold on, be strong,_  
_Hold on, hold on, be strong_  
_My child hold on, hold on be strong_

This song is scary.. I know that there are people around me who'll never leave me behind. They'll always care about me no matter what. And like the song's saying; I need to hold on and be strong. I just gotta figure out all my feelings towards Dimitri. And when I've figured that out; I gotta talk to him about everything that we've been through. And with this song I believe that I pushed him too much when he got back from being strigoi. I shouldn't have pushed him. I just should have waited and see what time would do to us. Maybe if I waited and was patient things would be different.

But if I'd waited and nothing came out of it, where would I be now? Would I still be heartbroken? Would I've been able to move on? I don't know. I know this much – that even though I'm thinking now that it might have been better for me to be patient, that I couldn't have pulled it of any other way than it has. I love him too much – loved him too much – to just stay away and not do anything.

Damn him. I'm totally losing myself here. I thought to myself while my music kept going with Taylor Swift's – I knew you were trouble;

_I think-I think when it's all over,  
It just comes back in flashes, you know?  
It's like a kaleidoscope of memories.  
It just all comes back. But he never does.  
I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen.  
It's not really anything he said or anything he did,  
It was the feeling that came along with it.  
And the crazy thing is I don't know if I'm ever gonna feel that way again.  
But I don't know if I should.  
I knew his world moved too fast and burned too bright.  
But I just thought, how can the devil be pulling you toward someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you?  
Maybe he knew that when he saw me.  
I guess I just lost my balance.  
I think that the worst part of it all wasn't losing him.  
It was losing me. _

This girl totally nailed it. Losing myself. That is something that's truly happening to me. I don't know where to go and what to do. I can't seem to co-operate with everything that's going on and everything that's being said. Why the hell did this happen to me? Why can't I have some piece of mind? Why can't anything be okay for once and going my way? Okay that Dimitri's actually saying that he's loving me now, but I'm not sure where to go with the information. If he said that he loved me before he said love fades, mine has. Then I might have believed in him. But now I just don't know what to believe.

_Once upon a time a few mistakes ago  
I was in your sights, you got me alone  
You found me, you found me, you found me  
I guess you didn't care, and I guess I liked that  
And when I fell hard you took a step back  
Without me, without me, without me_

_And he's long gone when he's next to me_  
_And I realize the blame is on me_

_'Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in_  
_So shame on me now_  
_Flew me to places I'd never been_  
_'Til you put me down, oh_  
_I knew you were trouble when you walked in_  
_So shame on me now_  
_Flew me to places I'd never been_  
_Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground_  
_Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble_  
_Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble_

_No apologies, he'll never see you cry_  
_Pretend he doesn't know that he's the reason why_  
_You're drowning, you're drowning, you're drowning_  
_Now I heard you moved on from whispers on the street_  
_A new notch in your belt is all I'll ever be_  
_And now I see, now I see, now I see_

_He was long gone when he met me_  
_And I realize the joke is on me, yeah!_

_I knew you were trouble when you walked in_  
_So shame on me now_  
_Flew me to places I'd never been_  
_'Til you put me down, oh_  
_I knew you were trouble when you walked in_  
_So shame on me now_  
_Flew me to places I'd never been_  
_Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground_  
_Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble_  
_Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble_

_And the saddest fear comes creeping in_  
_That you never loved me or her, or anyone, or anything, yeah_

_I knew you were trouble when you walked in_  
_So shame on me now_  
_Flew me to places I'd never been_  
_'Til you put me down, oh_  
_I knew you were trouble when you walked in (you were right there, you were right there)_  
_So shame on me now_  
_Flew me to places I'd never been_  
_Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground_  
_Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble_  
_Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble_

_I knew you were trouble when you walked in_  
_Trouble, trouble, trouble_  
_I knew you were trouble when you walked in_  
_Trouble, trouble, trouble_

_**I don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are. **_

It's true – you really don't know who you are before you lose who you are. I lost everything – everything that was sane and that was me when Dimitri was awakened and then when he said love fades, mine has. I lost myself when he got turned because without him – I'm nothing. But I knew – deep inside – that I'd survive if I knew that he was in a better place and not strigoi. My fighting wasn't lost, only my heart and life purpose when he turned. I fought to save him – to save his soul. But even though I succeeded to save his soul and his life – I failed to get his love back. And when his love was gone – so was I.

How am I supposed to forget that he said those words to me? How am I supposed to get past everything that has happened? How? I don't believe in God, but I'm beginning to start to believe in praying. Praying for some piece and normality in life. I need it – desperately.

* * *

Lissa POV

I overheard what Dimitri said to Rose and that didn't go well, did it? How can I help them? I don't think that I can do something that will make Rose see that he truly loves her. He's doing quite a good job by himself and I can't do that for him. It must come from him. The only thing I can offer is opportunities for them to be alone. Make scenes so that they end up alone.

I was brought back to reality by a kiss from Christian. God, I love him so much and I'm thankful for everyday that I got to have him by my side. I'm so grateful that we got past our conflicts and problems. And I want that for Rose too. "Christian, what should we do?" I asked him desperately.

"About what?" he answered confused.

"About the situation between Rose and Dimitri"

"Nothing, it isn't something we should do something about."

"He came to me and asked for help..."

"He did?"

I could see how surprised Christian was about that. That Dimitri came to me and asked for help. He haven't ever done anything like that before – ever.

"So what should we do?!"

He just looked at me sadly and shook his head in a I-don't-know-what-to-do way. I sighed and prayed that I would come up with some sort of plan for my best friend and her loved one. And I hope that I could do it fast – before it's too late.

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**Okay, that's it. What did you think? I think I need some help. What should Lissa do?**

**1. Plan some romantic night for Rose and Dimitri.**

**2. Another vacation were Rose and Dimitri gets a lot of alone time.**

**3. ?**

**Please review and let me know what you want ;)**

**But until next time; take care :)**


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